Shabbat-O-Gram for March 1: Properly Redacted Jewish Jokes (and Mrs. Maisel faves); Israeli Election Update, A Contemplation for Non-Believers,

Shabbat-O-Gram

 

Tonight, in honor of Adar - it's "Jewish Joke Night" (see below)

 

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Shabbat Shalom!

March is coming in like a lion here at TBE. Tonight is Shabbat Across America for hundreds of communities across the US and Canada, and we are proud to be one of them. For the past few years we've done this event with the whole Stamford Jewish community; this year we are back to doing it on our own and I'm looking forward to sharing this opportunity for coming together, at the dinner, the family service before and the main service after. Something for everyone! Then, on Shabbat morning, we have Men's Club Shabbat with a special speaker, along with our new service for 4-8 year olds. Also, Mazal Tov to Paul Springer and Amy Levinger on their Ufruf - and thank you to Fred and Eileen Springer for joining with the Men's Club to sponsor our Kiddush lunch.  The Men's Club Shabbat will take place, snow or shine!

An Earthquake in Israeli Politics

 

Over the past week some earthshaking events have upended the Israeli political scene and the relationship between Israel and American Jews as well. In last week's Shabbat-O-Gram I spoke about the grave concerns posed by the inclusion of a party consisting of racist followers of Meir Kahane into the potential Netanyahu led right wing coalition, at the Prime Minister's behest. I am pleased that this unprecedented move was met by an unprecedented response - a rebuke by American Jewish organizations across the board, including the AJC, whose comments were echoed by AIPAC leadership.

Yesterday, the Prime Minister was indicted (pending a hearing), which was not a huge surprise, but an enormous shock to the system. It's not often that a Prime Minister gets indicted - and during an election campaign, yet. The next several weeks will be riveting, as Netanyahu fights for his political life. Here's an analysis of the current situation by the Times of Israel's David Horovitz. Below you'll find a chart explaining the accusations, from Ha'aretz.

Two Adars - Twice the Joy!

The month of Adar is considered by the rabbis our most joyous month: "When the month of Adar begins, one increases rejoicing. (Babylonian Talmud Ta'anit 29a).

So what happens when we have two Adars, as we do in a Jewish leap year, which this year happens to be? (For you math whizzes out there, see how the Jewish calendar and leap years work) Do we get twice the joy?

Good things happen in Adar; there's a positive energy. The Talmud says "Someone who wants a fortune should plant in Adar." Do you hear that, investors? Also, if a Jew needs to go to court, the rabbis state, go in Adar. Tradition has it that Moses was born and died in Adar, and of course, the Jewish people hit the jackpot with their victory of the arch enemy Haman on Purim, which is in Adar.  

So...

 

Given that we should be doubly joyous this week, and given that we need a little Purim, right this very minute, I thought I would revive an old TBE custom on Friday night and declare it...

"...Jewish Joke Night."

So bring in your favorite Jewish joke. It has to be clean and non-misogynistic, anti-Semitic, racist or homophobic... in other words, bring in your SECOND favorite Jewish joke.

Below is are examples of classic Jewish jokes, properly redacted to be in step with the times:

Here's one, Henny Youngman style:

My wife divorced me for religious reasons. 

S/he worshiped money and I didn't have any!

And here's an old classic, properly redacted...

A rabbi, priest and a minister step into a bar.

WwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwW

wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

                                                                   

..." said the rabbi!

How about this all-timer!

Two Jews are walking through a neighborhood one evening when they notice they are being followed by a pair of hoodlums OF NO PARTICULAR RACIAL OR ETHNIC BACKGROUND.
"David," say his friend, "we better get out of here. There are two of them, and we're alone!"

And another, this one redaction-free:

Schwartz, an elderly (LOOKING) man, is resting peacefully on the porch of his small hotel outside Boca (NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH BOCA) when he sees a cloud of dust up the road. He walks out to see who could be approaching: It is a Southern farmer with a wagon (CALLED "SOUTHERN" BECAUSE HE LIVES IN THE SOUTH).

"Good afternoon," says Schwartz.
"Afternoon," says the farmer.
"Where you headed?" asks Schwartz.
"Town."
"What do you have in the wagon?"
"Manure."
"Manure, eh? What do you do with it?"
"I spread it over the fruit."

"Well," says Bernstein, "you should come over here for lunch someday. We use sour cream."

MY APOLOGIES TO THE MANURE ANTI-DEFAMATION LEAGUE FOR THAT ONE!

I'll try to come up with some better ones for tonight. Meanwhile, bring your own faves!

To tide us over, here are some of my favorite Jewish jokes from "The Marvelous Mrs. Maisels."

 

Midge: Me, personally, I was never great at gift-giving. Maybe it's because I never got to celebrate Christmas. I got Hanukkah. Doesn't exactly prepare you the same way. For Christmas, a gentile would get a bike as a reminder that their parents love them. For Hanukkah, we would get socks as a reminder that we were persecuted.

 

Moishe: Your mother-in-law called and said the whole family is so ill that break fast is canceled. So ill, the holiest of holy days cannot happen.

Joel: If it's so holy, why do you keep the factory open?

Moishe: You want a smack in the face?

Joel: I'm just saying-

Moishe: The people get paid by the piece. You want to take a day's work away from them? God wants them to go hungry if I shut my doors?

Joel: Fine

Moishe [gestures to work floor]: Half those people out there are gentiles. You go explain Yom Kippur to gentiles. We're happy, but we're starving. It's New Years, but we're guilty.

Joel: Sounding like a nonbeliever, Pop.

 

Astrid: Here. This is for you.

Rose: Honestly, Astrid, you don't have to bring us gifts every time you go to Israel.

Midge: What was this - your sixth, seventh trip?

Astrid: 11^th!

Midge: Oh.

Astrid: Can't get enough of the holy land.

[Rose opens bag and pauses]

Rose: What a beautiful mezuzah.

Astrid: I've never seen one that big before. [laughs]

Midge: It looks like it ate all the other mezuzahs.

A Contemplation for Non-Believers

At last week's Shabbat-in-the-Round, I read a passage that resonated with a number of people, so i'm sharing it here:  "A Contemplation for Non-Believers," from Siddur Shaar Zahav.  Feel free to incorporate it into your own prayers (or non-prayers!).  We at TBE encourage all kinds of questioning.

 

 

Finally, for our college students and other young adults:

American Jewish World Service Summer Internship in Advocacy and Jewish Engagement
Do you want to make an impact on Jewish advocacy and human rights education? The American Jewish World Service Summer Internship in Advocacy and Jewish Engagement is a rich opportunity to contribute to an innovative Jewish and human rights curriculum, advance policy in D.C., and learn more about the complex operations of a large non-profit. The ideal candidate has a commitment to global human rights, a background in education, government or public policy, and problem-solving and collaboration skills. This position is available in either New York or Washington, D.C. For more information and instructions to apply, go to www.ajws.org/JewishEngagementIntern. For specific questions, please reach out to Hannah Weilbacher hweilbacher@ajws.org.

Shabbat Shalom and Happy Adar 2!!!

Rabbi Joshua Hammerman

Shabbat-O-Gram for Feb 1: The Book of Daniel Picks the Super Bowl, Huge Happenings in Israeli Politics, Amos Oz and the Nature of Dreams, the Mulligan Month of Adar 1

Shabbat-O-Gram

 

Our annual World Wide Wrap takes place on Sunday morning from 9 - 10:30.  Our B'nai Mitzvah class families attend, along with any other congregants who wish to learn more about the core Jewish ritual of tallit and tefillin.  For me it's especially gratifying to see girls trying them on for the first time. Sadly, fully a half century after the advent of modern feminism, some are still convinced that such rituals are not appropriate for women. 

Shabbat Shalom!

 

...and Be Happy - our most joyous month, Adar begins this Tuesday and Wednesday - and this year, we have two Adars - it's a Jewish Leap Year.

In a leap year, Adar is our Mulligan Month, an entire month that we get to do over. Yahrzeits can get confusing (ask me if you have a question - they are usually in Adar 1, unless your loved one died in Adar 2 - but really. Ask.) and Purim is always in Adar 2, but otherwise, we’ll have two of all things Adar.  Since Adar is our most joyous month, we get a double dose of happiness, just what the doctor ordered in the midst of a polar vortex.  Adar will be doubly good, and Purim will be late.

As we look forward to Temple Rock on Saturday night (and pay close attention during the live auction for a surprise announcement), services on Friday night and Shabbat morning will be in the sanctuary.  Cantor Fishman and I would love to see our streak of excellent attendance and high spirits continue.  Here's a sneak preview of tomorrow's study packet.  At services we'll be discussing how we all can get along.

It's been a busy week here, and a very satisfying one. Last Shabbat Ben Kassel became Bar Mitzvah - read his speech on the Ten Commandments of Soccer. And despite the wintry weather, we've had three well-attended adult ed classes. Yesterday, about 25 came to the weekly class where I preview various chapters of Mensch·Marks. This week's topic was civility and gossip (based on Mensch·Mark 35: Championing Civility: It's Impossible to Avoid Gossip but Essential to Try). Our lively conversation touched on lots of contemporary topics related to the destructive and healing power of words. You can download the supplementary study packet here.

Last night we hosted the Interfaith Council series on Wisdom Literature and I spoke about two of the most subversive books in the Bible, Esther and Ecclesiastes. Around 75 people came, a marvelous melange of Christians, Jews, and at least one Muslim. Before the lecture, I invited our guests up to the pulpit for a close look at the Torah scrolls - and they asked terrific, probing questions. It was a great week for loving our neighbors!  

 

Some of last night's guests surrounding the Torah (photo by Rosalea Fisher)

All you need to know before making your pick:

What the Daniel 8:7 has to say about Sunday's Super Bowl

ז  וּרְאִיתִיו מַגִּיעַ אֵצֶל הָאַיִל, וַיִּתְמַרְמַר אֵלָיו וַיַּךְ אֶת-הָאַיִל וַיְשַׁבֵּר אֶת-שְׁתֵּי קְרָנָיו, וְלֹא-הָיָה כֹחַ בָּאַיִל, לַעֲמֹד לְפָנָיו; וַיַּשְׁלִיכֵהוּ אַרְצָה וַיִּרְמְסֵהוּ, וְלֹא-הָיָה מַצִּיל לָאַיִל מִיָּדוֹ.

And I saw him come close unto the ram, and he was moved with anger against him, and smote the ram, and broke his two horns; and there was no power in the ram to stand before him; but he cast him down to the ground, and trampled upon him; and there was none that could deliver the ram out of his hand.  Daniel 8:7

Sounds like this ram was sacked!  Looks like a Big Day for the Patriots' D.

And who is the coordinator of the Patriots' offense?  Who is the one conjuring up visions of ram-demolition? That's right, Josh McDANIELs.  As the Book of McDaniels states in chapter 5, the handwriting is on the wall.  So chapters 7 and 5 are the relevant sections here.  Therefore...

Final score:  Patriots 37  

- Rams 35.

Big Doings in Israel

Some really interesting things happening in Israel this week, and they may be getting lost in the shuffle.  A major challenger to Prime Minister Netanyahu's reelection has emerged. Things took a dramatic turn this week with the official injection of Benny Ganz into the race and literally overnight, his support doubled.   As you recall, Marc Schulman spoke here recently and gave us a real insider's view on what is going on.  You can read Marc's latest dispatch here.  An excerpt:

As rumors of tonight's opinion polls began to circulate, the feeling that something had changed began to grow. This evening Channel 13 published its polling results and Gantz has gone from 12 to 24 seats in one day. Moreover, when those surveyed were asked who would you prefer to be Prime Minister, Gantz was tied with Netanyahu. This is first time anyone other than Netanyahu has received such strong poll numbers, since Barak beat Netanyahu.

What accounts for Ganz's popularity and the degree of his threat to Netanyahu's decade-long reign?  First and foremost, he's solid on security. As a general he cannot be painted as a "lefty," as Bibi is trying to do, and on social and religious issues, he has come out strongly on the side of inclusion, even advocating for the reneged Western Wall deal that would have brought multiple prayer opportunities to our holiest site.  Oh yes, and he also supports two states and a rollback of the controversial (and unnecessary) Jewish Nation-State Law.  And finally, he's calling out corruption in government, affirming that he would never be part of a government run by a Prime Minister under indictment.

So if Ganz is not a flash-in-the-pan, and especially if indictments are forthcoming for the Prime Minister, this will get very interesting as the election season heats up.

Beyond the immediate moment, there are long term concerns about Israel that need to be addressed.  There is no question that many American Jews, particularly younger progressives, have become apathetic (or worse) toward the Jewish State.  Part of the reason for this is that Israel has appeared to be slipping away from some of the key values that so many Jews affirm.

This week in Ha'aretz, Rabbi Eric Yoffie spelled out the kind of speech he would love to see the Prime Minister give. Imagine if Bibi were to say:

* I believe Israel must be a Jewish and democratic state.

* I embrace Israel’s Declaration of Independence, and its commitment to the Jewishness of Israel, her democratic character, and human rights for all her citizens.

* I am a supporter of settlements, but my government will promote settlements in such a way that Israel’s Jewish and democratic essence will not be compromised.

* Jewish terror is an abomination and a profound affront to Jewish values, and Jews who engage in terror will be pursued and apprehended by our security forces and punished to the full extent of the law.

* I am deeply concerned by the troubled relations between Israel and world Jewry, and while I understand the concerns of the Orthodox parties and hope to see them in my coalition, I will make it a top priority to repair the bonds that connect us to the non-Orthodox movements and to the Jewish people everywhere.

* The current situation in Judea and Samaria imposes significant burdens on Palestinians, and Israel will do everything in her power to minimize those burdens.

* The horror of the Holocaust is forever imprinted in our memory, and the State of Israel will never cooperate, directly or indirectly, with European governments intent on distorting Holocaust history and minimizing their responsibility for the slaughter of Jews.  

* I strongly support the law affirming that Israel is the nation-state of the Jewish people, but I have heard the concerns of the Druze community and others, and I will take steps to guarantee equality and human rights under law for every Israeli citizen.

* There may not be a partner for peace at this moment, and there can be legitimate disagreement about how peace can be obtained, but any government that I head will remain actively committed to making peace with the Palestinians and all our Arab neighbors, and to the task of building with them a future together.  

I hope Yoffie isn't holding his breath, because during an election campaign Bibi will be appealing primarily to his base and is unlikely to say any of this.  But it doesn't mean we need to remain silent.

As the Israeli elections approach, world Jewry has a chance to provide the next government of Israel a way toward realizing the goal of Israel being a truly Jewish and democratic state.

To demonstrate the breadth of concern for Israel's democratic and Jewish future among Jews worldwide, a campaign to garner 10,000+ signatures on "A Vision Statement: Israel as a Jewish and Democratic State" is being launched by Ruach Hiddush, a trans-denominational coalition of Rabbis and Cantors.  The Statement, co-written by an Israeli Reform and an American Orthodox rabbi, presents a concrete plan that insures that the country's democratic and Jewish values remain the essence of all that Israel is.

Join with religious and community leaders, intellectuals and philanthropists in support of the Revivot Yisrael Campaign - and sign the statement, as I already have, and add your voice to the large and growing number of Jews in every corner of the world who share this vision of unity through diversity.  To sign, click on this link.

The campaign is the being sponsored by Hiddush, whose leader, Uri Regev, spoke here not long ago.

I truly believe that this is a time for American Jews to reengage with Israel, even where there is disagreement.   Change happens - but only when people care enough to act.

A month ago, Israel's most prophetic voice since Jeremiah, Amos Oz, passed away.  To commemorate the thirty day anniversary of his passing, Da'at, a travel company, put together a collection of quotes by Oz. 

As we contemplate Israel, or America, for that matter, keep in mind this Oz quote from an extensive interview he did in 2016:

Now, Israel is a fulfillment, and as a fulfillment, it is flawed. The fact that it is flawed is not so much a testimony about the failures of Israel. No, it is a testimony about the nature of dreams. The only way to keep a dream, any dream at all, to keep a dream perfect and rosy and intact and unsullied is never to live it out. The moment you carry out any of your dreams or your fantasies-travel around the world, climbing a high mountain, buying a new house, writing a novel, carrying out a sexual fantasy, traveling to an unknown country-the moment you carry out your dreams, it's always, by definition less perfect and rosy than it had been as a dream. This is the nature of dreams. And Israel-let's not forget it-Israel is a fulfilled dream. 

Rabbi Joshua Hammerman

Shabbat-O-Gram for Feb 26

Shabbat-O-Gram  

Our Hebrew School students celebrated a snow-delayed Tu b'Shevat last Sunday.

Click here for our complete winter photo album, scroll down for more Tu b'Shevat photos

Click here to see our Temple Rock album (Aviva Maller Photography)

Shabbat Shalom!

Mazal Tov Maddy!

 

 

No congregation can afford to be one size fits all, especially in this day and age. Some students decide to go on a decidedly "unorthodox" path to Bat Mitzvah. Such was the case with Maddy Cohen (with the tallit in the photo), one of our teens (and daughter of Jeff and Joan), who became Bat Mitzvah at a BBYO Shabbat service a few weeks ago.  I asked her if she could share with us some of what she said on that day.  Speaking about the portion "Yitro," (which features the Ten Commandments), she stated, "To me, it means you have your own commandments. It means staying involved with other things, whether in college with Hillel, or making sure I keep in touch with my friends, and ensuring that they know that they can come to with any problems they may have."  She went on to say that BBYO has helped her understand that being Jewish is "a massive part of who I am and I want to embrace it and celebrate it."   Mazal tov Maddy! We are really proud of you!

This Shabbat @ TBE

Join us this evening for Kabbalat Shabbat services at 7:30; we are delighted to welcome Beth Styles as this week's guest musician.  I'll also be featuring some readings from the new Conservative prayer book, Siddur Lev Shalem, just published this month.  I've been devouring the book this week (and if I seem extraordinarily preoccupied while praying you now know why).  The new book is modeled on the well-received High Holidays Machzor of the same name. Read more about it here.  Over the coming weeks, our Ritual Committee and other leadership will be looking closely at this book, for possible purchase.  If you would like to take a look at it, come by during the week (or after services tonight and tomorrow) and I'll be happy to show it to you.

And our celebration of Shabbat begins at 6 PM tonight with a special family Shabbat experience led by our 5^th and 6^th graders, featuring an American Idol theme (perfect for this week's portion of Ki Tisa, which is all about the Golden Calf).

Next Week: Shabbat Across Stamford

Don't forget Shabbat Across Stamford on March 4.  Hear Ruth Messenger, a real modern day Jewish hero.  Click here to sign up (today is the deadline).  Space is going fast!  Services next Friday evening will not be held here.  They will be at the Crowne Plaza on Summer St., and will begin at 5:30. The services are open to the public.

Leapin' Lizards, a Double Leap Year!

Feb. 29 is next week. It's rare that Jewish and secular leap years coincide.  The last time was 2008.  Now they do again.  While it might seem quite complicated to navigate two leap years simultaneously, this need not become the year of leaping dangerously.   But it can become a year of leaping meaningfully if we take advantage of that extra day AND that extra month.  For me, Adar 2 is allows me to double the joy of this most joyous month while giving me more time to prepare for Purim and Passover.  For more about the Jewish leap year and how it fits into the rhythm of Jewish time, , see my article, Judaism's Mulligan Month.  To see an excellent historical survey of how the Jewish leap year fits into other ancient calendars, click here.  Click here for an exploration into the magic and mystery of Feb. 29. And click here for a recent Parsha Packet with ideas on how to make the most of that gift of an extra day - or extra month - in our lives this year.   Finally, although Passover is still six weeks away, local supermarket chains have no idea that it's a Jewish leap year.  So if just like them you are chomping at the bit for matzah, here is the new, revised Rabbinical Assembly Passover Guide.

 "Israel's Winter of Discontent" Rescheduled- Tues at 7:30

Bad weather brought us to postpone the "Hot Topics" program, "Israel's Winter of Discontent," until NEXT TUES., March 1, at 7:30 PM.   Join us for an hour of clips from Israeli television shocking, often inspiring, usually biting and almost always very funny (in a Jewish, "laugh-until-we-cry" kind of way).  So come for an hour - Super Tuesday will still be happening when you get home.  I promise!  I'll also share some of my reflections following my trip to Israel in January.  Speaking of which...

 

Lod Will Find a Way: Changing the Narrative

 

Arab and Jewish children sharing a snowy experience in Lod 

Photo by Dan Hammerman (see Dan's blog posting about this)

During my recent week-long trip to see Dan in Lod, I discovered that that city of shattered dreams in 1948 is fast becoming a gateway to reconciliation in 2016. I don't know at what age people begin to mistrust, but I do know that hatred can be arrested, because I saw that in Lod. Maybe this little city, mocked by Israelis but loved by the Louvre, can become the place where Jews and Arabs will learn to live in harmony.  See the rest of this article on my Times of Israel blog page .

There is no question that my son's experience in Lod has helped him to see a more human side of Israel.  In today's Ha'aretz, Ari Shavit bemoans the image of Israel among Jews on American campuses and suggests the creation of an Israeli Peace Corps, which will engage Jewish young  adults in acts of world repair.  It's a great idea, which, much like the American Jewish World Service, will channel the fantastic idealism and energy of young Jews in the direction of world repair.  As Shavit writes:

"The fact is that while most young people in North America and Europe have adopted universal values, both Israel and the organized Jewish world are perceived as tribal. The fact is that in an era in which the three gravest sins are Power, Privilege and Particularism, we are distortedly perceived, as Powerful, Privileged and Particularistic."  

Shavit admits that this idea is no panacea.  "If Israel betrays its democratic values," he writes, "no liberal young woman from Boston will want to be its partner in working for justice in the Negev, the Galilee or Africa. But in parallel to the internal struggle for the soul and future path of the Jewish democratic state, a new national enterprise for the Jewish people is needed, one that will bring us back to ourselves and to a righteous destiny."

This week, I was part of an interfaith panel at Greenwich High School.  It sounds like a joke... "A rabbi a minister and an imam walk into Greenwich High School," but it was very serious, and for me, eye opening.  The students were extremely attentive and open, and they asked great questions.  Fundamentalism and religious extremism were prime topics, as might be expected.  But when a question was asked about Israel, I sensed no sympathy in that packed room, even among people who identified as Jews.  I did my best to make Israel's case in a credible manner, but Shavit is absolutely correct when he writes:

 "No public relations campaign, no matter how brilliant, can defeat the BDS movement. Young America's growing aversion to Israel and the attacks on the Jewish state will not magically dissipate. The deep identity crisis that has befallen many young Jews will not be resolved with rhetoric. Only if we create a framework that will allow young Jews of the Diaspora and young Israelis to experience together the work of tikkun olam and tikkun Israel will we be able to tackle the enormous damage we brought upon ourselves in the last decades and ready the Jewish nation for the challenges of the third millennium."

Then I think back to what I saw in Lod and what Dan's program and programs like it, are trying to accomplish.   I faced some tough questions at Greenwich High.  Perhaps Lod is, at least in part, the answer.  What is clear to me is that American Jews who care about Israel need to be more engaged than ever, to help save Israel from its real external enemies, of which there are many, and also to help save Israel also from itself.  Only then will we be able to change the narrative on our high school and college campuses.

 

"Wedding Crashers," the Sequel, per Shulem Deen

People are still buzzing over Shulem Deen's visit a few weeks ago.  For those who want more, see this fascinating piece by Shaul Magid in Tablet Magazine.  (Prof Magid, also was involved in this recent intense conversation over the place of Jews and the Temple Mount, from Times of Israel).

And then there was this posting of Deen's last week on Facebook, describing his uninvited presence at his daughter's wedding.  It's lengthy, but hey, we're emotionally invested in this guy.  So here goes:

A special share:

Yesterday, I saw my two eldest daughters.

For eight years I waited for this, wondering if it will ever come, wondering if this was forever.

Yesterday, my second daughter, "Freidy," got married. I was not invited to the wedding, and I didn't plan to go, but in the end, encouraged by friends and family to "just show up," I put on my suit, ordered an Uber, and took the hour's drive up to New Square. I arranged with my brother to meet me, and we arrived around 1 am, just before the mitzvah tantz was to begin.

I was greeted at the door almost immediately by a man I call "Shragi" in my book -- real name is Yoily Breuer -- who ordered me to leave, would not allow me to enter the wedding hall, and threatened to call the cops. I told him he could call if he liked, but I wasn't leaving.

He screamed wherever I turned: "You write dirty books and dirty articles! Your children don't want you here!"

I didn't want to ruin my daughter's wedding, and I knew that by entering the hall proper I would create chaos, so I lingered in the lobby, where for over 30 minutes this maniac hovered whereever I stood, screaming, shouting, harassing.

"You write dirty articles in trayf magazines all over the world. You embarrass your children!"

I don't know where he gets his info from -- the man is a complete illiterate. This is the man I've had to deal with all along, the man who orchestrated my children's estrangement from me, has been telling them horrible things about how I chose to live my life, continues to lie to them outright just to get them to stay away.

All the while, other men came out of the hall to greet me. A group of men even started dancing with me, right there in the lobby. All the while Breuer circled and screamed like a maniac.

At one point, the groom heard I was there, as did my oldest son-in-law -- neither of whom I'd ever met -- and they came out to greet me, with big smiles, thanked me for coming.

One man wanted to know just one thing: "NU, did you bring a check? For the chosson-kallah?" He tapped the back of one hand on the palm of the other. "NU? DID YOU? Give me -- I'll make sure they get it."

Zisha Schmeltzer (who has a cameo in my book as "Zisha Schnitzler" asking for a donation at my son's bris in exchange for a blessing) was there too: asking now again for a donation in honor of my simcha, in exchange for a blessing. "My blessings work, you know it." He hasn't changed in 16 years.

Other men came out, shook my hand, asked me to come inside -- all the while Breuer stood shrieking that if I didn't leave I was ruining my daughter's wedding, and that he was going to call the cops. It was truly a surreal experience. On the one hand there was friendliness and genuine warmth. On the other was such cruelty by a handful of maniacs, led by Breuer and some others in my ex's family, who kept shouting insults. It was infuriating and comical and crushing all at once.

I wondered at one point if he might be right, that my children perhaps didn't want me there, and that the commotion was unsettling to many of the attendees. Soon after, however, my older son-in-law came to me and said: "Tziri wants to see you." 

She would meet me outside.

It took me a moment to recognize her, but no longer than a moment -- of course it was her.

What do you say to a beloved child you haven't seen and spoken to in eight years, whose entire adolescence you were barred from, whose wedding you missed? What do you say when there are so many questions, so many things to say, all of them urgent, but your mind is dizzy with the suddenness of it all?

What came out of my mouth was, "I've missed you." I felt my insides crack. Last time we spoke she was 13, angry and sullen. Now she was 21, beautiful and grown and smiling, yet still very much the same person. We barely had a few seconds. My brother, who was with me, snapped a couple photos with his phone, which wouldn't do the moment justice, and before we knew it, the Breuer fellow was right next to us, screaming at my daughter for daring to speak with me. Frightened of him, she froze, and I turned to ask him to leave. His yelling continued, and my daughter, looking traumatized and overwhelmed, quickly ran off.

I did not get to see her again.

Later, with the help of the tzaddik of our generation, my ex-BIL Lipa Schmeltzer, my "Freidy," the bride, came out. Her mother and some others tried to prevent her, but Lipa persisted. I was stunned when I saw her; she looked beautiful and so grown-up -- it was hard for me to reconcile it with the image of her as a little kid. I told her how radiant she looked, what a terrific guy her groom looked to be, and how happy I was for her. Also, how much I think of her every single day.

Now, too, Breuer was back beside us, screaming for me to stay away from her. I told her I loved her. She leaned in close to me, and put her hand on my arm, and I couldn't resist and hugged her -- despite my brother hissing at me prior: "no hugs!" Her groom stood nearby the whole time, beaming. "Make sure she gets this," I said, and I handed him an envelope with some letters and gifts and cards that had been returned unopened over the years.

Then she disappeared back inside.

It hurt that I didn't get to see my younger ones -- Chaya Suri, Akiva, Hershy, (18, 16, 14). Chaya Suri was surrounded by women who wouldn't let any

one close to even try. A couple people tried to get my sons to come out, but they chose not to. I left feeling at once uplifted, sad, angry, joyful, and anxious -- the kind of mixed emotions that keep your adrenaline going and leave you awake in bed for hours afterward. Joyful for the good. Sad that it had to be this way. Angry at those who sought, out of pure malice, to inflict unnecessary pain. Anxious about where this will all lead, about the if/when/where/how of the future. Anxious about doing what's right not only for me but for them, for everyone.

It all lasted only about an hour. I got home at 3 am. Now, a day later, I am still processing. Still shaking. Still feeling the insanity, but also seeing the bright gleaming ray of hope.

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Below: (1-2) "Tziri," my oldest, with her husband and me; (3-4) at her own mitzvah tantz three yeas ago, when we were entirely estranged; and (5) during the "good times" as a child.

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See here for related video:
https://www.facebook.com/shdeen/videos/vb.527220557/10154564063610558