In this Moment, May 12 - The Greatest Shul on Earth; Scenes from a Marriage I and II

In This Moment Scenes from a Marriage I Who needs Ingmar Bergman when our seventh grade classes have been celebrating Jewish marriage for a decade and a half! Year after year, classes have worked tirelessly to prepare their mock wedding ceremonies as part of the grade's innovative Jewish lifecycle curriculum, which was first developed in 2008 by educational director Eran Vaisben, along with Mara Hammerman. This year's class celebrated its mock wedding last Sunday. We did the class bris during the winter, the World Wide Wrap (the B'nai Mitzvah unit) a couple of weeks ago, and for their final lifecycle unit, on death, they will be visiting the cemetery next week. Despite all the challenges of this hybrid year, we got through the entire lifecycle. Birth, B'nai Mitzvah and death are all important, but the wedding always brings out their best! You can see below the lovely ketuba and huppah that the students prepared for last week's ceremony. Each year, the class discusses the wedding customs in great detail and decides how to stamp their own mark on the proceedings. In a nod to to our commitment to egalitarianism, this year's students decided to have the bride and groom each break their own glass, simultaneously. To celebrate the 15 years of seventh grade marriages, and the kids, parents and educators, and the teacher who led all of them, I've put together an album of assorted photos from 7th grade weddings, which you can access by clicking here. Below are some pics from last week. If you want to take a trip down memory lane, here's our collection of current and past 7th grade lifecycle albums. Somehow 2009-2010 has gotten lost in the shuffle - if you have any photos from that year, please send them my way. 2021-2022 7th Grade Lifecycle Album 2020-2021 7th Grade Lifecycle Album 2018-2019 7th Grade Lifecycle Album 2019-2020 7th Grade Lifecycle Album 2016-2017 7th Grade Lifecycle Album 2015-2016 7th Grade Lifecycle Album 2014-2015 7th Grade Lifecycle Album 2013-2014 7th Grade Wedding Album 2012-2013 7th Grade Wedding Album 2011-2012 7th Grade Wedding Album 2010-2011 7th Grade Wedding Album 2008-2009 7th Grade Wedding Album 2007-2008 7th Grade Wedding Album Someone asked me recently if any of the couples from prior years' class weddings have ever gotten married in real life. As the great 20th century theologian Franz Rosenzweig replied when asked about whether he puts on tefillin every day: "Not yet." But as for the future, who knows? Screen grab from last week's Sisterhood Shabbat. Yashar Koach on a fantastic service! Shabbat Shalom Just so no one can accuse our services as being run like a circus, we have installed our own Big Top. Now we can truly be the "Greatest Shul on Earth." A floor has been put down, wi-fi access strengthened, sound systems prepared - and plans are for the TBE Ohel to be fully operational within a couple of weeks. In Hebrew, "Ohel" means tent, and a whole lot more. Joel Hoffman, in his Jerusalem Post language column, writes: [W]hen Israelis greet one another on the streets of Jerusalem or Tel Aviv, it is not shalom or a longer variation of it, but rather the colloquial "ahalan" that is most often heard. Ahalan, borrowed directly from Arabic, comes from ahal, one of many words for "family." (The cognate Hebrew word, ohel, means "tent," that is a place where a family lived.) What better greeting could be offered to a weary desert traveler than to be welcomed into the protective shade of a tent or the warm company of family. Indeed, Abraham is known for his generosity in welcoming strangers into his family tent. And though tents are now rare in Israel, the cordial greeting pays homage to a form of ancient hospitality. Some speakers add wasahlan, "and to the plain," perhaps contrasting with, say, rocky mountains, and therefore alluding to a place of comfort. A loose translation of the pair might be, "make yourself at home" and "make yourself comfortable. Klein writes that ohel is "usually connected with but probably not related to Arabic 'ahl (= relatives, kin, kinsfolk, adherents, inhabitants, people)." So a tent is all about hospitality, comfort, family and warmth (and I suspect it will be pretty warm in ours at times), all qualities that we seek to bring into everything we do, particularly services. I'm especially excited that we will be able to have a number of our hybrid Shabbat services there during the coming months, so that we can gather with the safety that outdoor ventilation brings. We'll continue to use other venues for services as well, including the sanctuary, and when the weather is nice, our cozy outdoor spot on the other side of the sanctuary windows. The goal is always to pray with feeling - Kavvanah - which literally means intent. So we'll pray in-tent (and sometimes out-of-tent) with intent. But with the breeze of outdoor ventilation, our intentional, in-tent praying does not need to be so intense, so filled with anxiety as so many indoor gatherings are now, with Covid rates moving upward again. The family and friends of Alan Kalter, as well as others who participated in the paddle raise, helped to make this possible, and in doing so, will keep us safer and possibly save lives. But whether or not lives are ultimately saved, doing all we can for safety's sake affirms the Jewish value of protecting those whom we love. In the topsy turvy world we live in, we can now find some comfort under the Big Top. (See: COVID risks higher from small indoor events than large outdoor ones. See also Covid FAQs, updated for recent trends.) Scenes from a Marriage II Intermarriage and Conservative Judaism Veteran journalist Debra Nussbaum Cohen wrote a lengthy update in the Forward this week on how Conservative leaders are dealing with the tricky topic of intermarriage, in light of the movement's longstanding ban on rabbis' officiation. A number of rabbis are quoted in the piece, spanning a wide variety of viewpoints. The matter has been long since resolved in both Reform and Orthodoxy; but one of the great assets of Conservative Judaism is its desire to forge consensus through dialectic. There is always tension between tradition and change, and that tension is what fuels the movement's creative energy. Can the center hold? And more to the point, should it, at least on this issue? Holding the line against performing intermarriages has been a contributing factor in the shrinking of the movement. Is a leaner - and some might say meaner - Conservative Judaism a good thing? Nussbaum Cohen writes: Rabbis on either side of the debate say its outcome will be consequential for the Conservative movement, which represents about 20% of American Jews, and is shrinking. Those who want to lift the ban say it alienates Jews who want to intermarry, pushing them to other movements where rabbis are free to officiate at these weddings — or away from Judaism altogether. Others maintain that lifting the prohibition would signal that Jews are free to bend Judaism to fit personal preferences, and result in a weakened commitment to Jewish life. And what meaningful distinction between Reform and Conservative Judaism will remain, others ask, if Conservative rabbis do not draw the line at interfaith marriage? “The number of rabbis grappling with it is growing,” said Keren McGinity, who was hired by the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism, the congregational arm of the movement, to serve as its part-time interfaith specialist in 2020. This year, her position was made full time. The article shows that there has been considerable movement toward leniency over the past several years and that the time has come for a more intense conversation, which could lead to more dramatic change. The 2020 Pew Research Center’s survey of the American Jewish community found that 61 percent of Jews married since 2010 wed non-Jews. We can't just dismiss out of hand nearly two thirds of the Jewish population - and a much higher percentage of the non-Orthodox population. Our congregation continues to refine our vision, defining who we are and where we stand on the denominational spectrum. At TBE, we've always been on the more inclusive side of Conservative Judaism, and in recent years we have gone out of our way to welcome dual faith households, in ritual and worship and in our bylaws. We offer free membership for a year to all newlyweds, including those where one spouse is not Jewish. We offer special blessings for dual-faith couples here at the temple and worked closely with groups like 18 Doors, which provides guidance to couples and families. For a wedding a few weeks ago, I wrote a congratulatory message that was read to the couple under the huppah. How could I not? I've known the bride since she was a child. In fact, the couple even used my father's portable huppah, which I've discussed in this context before. A few days later, I worked with another TBE-related interfaith couple about to be married, to develop their ceremony. It was a wonderful - and hopefully helpful - conversation. Still, I've also had to deliver heartbreaking news to couples who have asked for my direct participation in their ceremony, and I've not been able to cross that line - a line that would likely result in my expulsion from the Rabbinical Assembly. I'm not prepared to leave the Movement. In the end, for the most part, those who grew up here know that they will never be rejected by their home congregation and rabbi, even if I can't perform the wedding. Most understand that 20 minutes under a huppah cannot outweigh decades of unconditional love and support both before and after the wedding day. The USCJ has had its own issues over the years, and TBE's departure from it years ago was justifiable. We've done just fine carving out our own identity - our niche in the local and national Jewish spectrum - with our unique approach to prayer and focus on cutting-edge traditional music. But it always helps to have a national movement to fall back on. And through my association with the Rabbinical Assembly, we have that. I'm not willing to let that go. There are lots of wonderful things about Conservative Judaism, though I'm not crazy about the name and it can be a little wishy washy at times (OK, all the time). But it challenges us to be the adults in the room, to be thinking beings who take Judaism seriously and are willing to grapple with tough questions. We take tradition seriously; it anchors us, immersing us in authenticity, linking us to ancient stories and ethics - to Israel and to our eternal Hebrew language. There are so many ways that Conservative Judaism is the right choice for today, embracing change and justice, while keeping Torah as our GPS - I'm not willing to give that up. Nor am I willing to be the reason TBE gives it up. With a nod to Women's League and Federation of Men's Clubs, it is really through its rabbi and cantor that TBE is bound to the Conservative Movement. Read this backgrounder on the American Jewish denominations And this on Conservative Judaism: "How the Middle Became a Movement" And my take from 2008: "The Muddle in the Middle" TBE is embarking on an important process of strategic planning. We need to. Our "2020 Plan," devised in 2012, expired two and a half years ago. The world has changed quite a bit even since 2020, all the more since 2012. But one thing that will certainly stay at the core of any updated plan that emerges, is the way we welcome the "stranger" into our tent. Now we even have the tent to prove it. How that spirit of inclusiveness aligns with our need to be part of something bigger than ourselves - a movement - has yet to be determined. Recommended Reading The ADL’s Crazily Irresponsible Crusade Against anti-Zionism - Is the ADL bending over backwards too far in its recent equating of anti-Zionism on the left with white supremacist antisemitism on the right? The arguments below have validity, but during a week after the Harvard Crimson endorsed BDS it is easy to understand why the ADL felt the need to make an adjustment to refocus on the dangers coming from the left. The authors write: By erroneously equating left-wing human rights activism to the powerful and fast-mounting threat of anti-democratic authoritarianism on the Right, Greenblatt and the ADL are actually helping to shift the focus on antisemitism away from where it belongs, undermining the much-needed concerted effort to protect the imperiled foundations of multiracial democracy in the U.S. More Conservative rabbis struggle with interfaith marriage ban — and some are flouting it (Forward article discussed above) Is Paul Simon Jewish? Or 'Jew-ish'? Parashat Emor Home page Pregnant women in America and Israel face starkly different choices – The Forward - America is the worst place in the Western world to be a mother. If Roe falls, millions of American women will have this broken system forced upon them. A better way for families is not an impossible dream — it’s what your Israeli cousins and colleagues live with everyday. Compared to Israeli policy, and the policy of every other wealthy country in the world, American policy is staunchly anti-family and anti-Mom.   Hashkiveinu: Seeking Comfort and Protection Through the Night | My Jewish Learning - This prayer, traditionally recited in the evening, envisions God as a guide and shelter. Joshua Cohen's satirical novel 'The Netanyahus' wins Pulitzer Prize for fiction - Jewish Telegraphic Agency - Loved this book. Shabbat Shalom! Rabbi Joshua Hammerman Temple Beth El 350 Roxbury Road Stamford, Connecticut 06902 203-322-6901 | www.tbe.org    A Conservative, Inclusive, Spiritual Community

In this Moment: The Color Purple; The Kiddush Cup Craftsman; Jew By (Whose) Choice

In This Moment

Shabbat-O-Gram, January 29, 2021

Scenes from Tu B'Shevat...

Tu B'Shevat Adult Seder

Tu B'Shevat Family Seder

   

   

This week is Shabbat Shira (the Sabbath of Song), when we read the portion Beshallach, featuring the crossing of the Red Sea.  Here's a unique midrash on that Red Sea passage, from Manga Mutiny, a Biblically-accurate retelling of Genesis through Exodus 15:27 presented in the authentic Japanese Manga style.  

(Thank you to Ethan H for sharing this - and happy birthday next week!)

  

See the bottom of this email to find out what happens!

Shabbat Shalom!

We begin with some sad news.  The name Gene Wendell probably does not ring a bell to most of you, but he has a special place in many of your homes.  You see, Gene, who passed away this week, has been engraving kiddush cups for TBE B'nai Mitzvah for 67 years.  That means that if you are 80 years old or younger, and your Bar/Bat Mitzvah was here, that kiddush cup that you use on Friday nights or Pesach, or had under your huppah, or that just gleams proudly from your mantle - well, it was lovingly engraved by Gene.

He took the job very seriously, although there were times (many) when he would knock on my office door just before Shabbat, right under the wire, to deliver the goods. He always had a question about Judaism or a story to share - about his involvement at his synagogue in Norwalk or other things going on in his life.  You can read his obituary here.  

I'll miss Gene. I'll think of him every time I lift one of "his" cups under a huppah.  There's a lesson here for us.  Behind every treasure you own, every book, every car, every piece of jewelry, every hand-made bagel - everything - there is a Gene Wendell. Often many of them.  You will never see most of these faces, but they are connected to us in the deepest possible manner.  

This Shabbat, let's raise our glasses - our cups - to Eugene Wendell. In fact, if you are coming to Friday night services, bring your TBE cup with you, we'll lift them all together, and I'll send the photo to Sue, his wife.

On to other matters of great urgency....

- These days, it seems like the forces of hope and despair are engaged in an all-out war, especially regarding Covid-19.  Israel is being touted for being way ahead of the curve regarding vaccinations, yet as the chart below shows, the crisis of infections is not abating.  

  

You would think that with so many having been vaccinated the infection rate would be going down much more. In his weekly newsletter, Marc Shulman looks into these sobering trends.  Meanwhile, if you are looking for an uplifting moment, yo've got to listen to this new "We are the World" style song created by Israel's most popular musicians (thank you to Aviva Maller for sharing):

Katan Aleinu (קטן עלינו, "We Got This") with English subtitles

- Remember when I spoke on Rosh Hashanah about the regal nature of the color purple and how it connects to the ancient history of the Israelites and the Curse (and Blessing) of Canaan, as well as the African American experience?

Well this week sent us major news on that front, an unprecedented archaeological discovery:

 

Ancient cloths with royal purple dye found in Israel, dated to King David's time (Times of Israel) This is a big deal. Israeli researchers have found three textile scraps near the southern tip of Israel colored with the biblically described "argaman" royal purple dye, and dated them to circa 1,000 BCE - the era of King David. The earliest ever such finds in this region, the vibrant cloths add tangible weight, in particular, to the Bible's account of an Edomite kingdom in the area at that time.

Here's the front page story in today's Ha'aretz: 

More recommended reading....

- Enough for a minyan: A Jewish who's who of Biden's cabinet (Forward)

- Reform Jewish Institutions Affirm IHRA Working Definition of Antisemitism - 

The challenges posed by rising antisemitism are so great that we need all people of good will to join in the fight against it.

- See my featured Times of Israel op-ed on how Holocaust denial is the canary in the coal mine of Big Lies, Fake News and American white supremacy

 

- Over 1100 Jewish clergy from around the country have come together to impress upon the Biden Administration and 117th Congress the urgency of addressing the rights and safety of refugees and asylum seekers.  Here's the letter - I'm proud to have signed it.

- I'll be moderating a panel discussion on Climate Change next Thursday. An in-depth conversation with national leaders, the Rev. Lennox Yearwood, founder of Hip Hop Caucus, and Dr. Katherine Hayhoe, a leading climate scientist. The event is co-hosted by the Hartford Seminary and the Interreligious Eco-Justice Network.  This paragraph from an op-ed from the NYT, "Let's Say Goodbye to Normal," by Roy Scranton, was particularly alarming.

 

- Our growing partnership with the Black community, and in particular members of Union Baptist Church, has borne tremendous fruit - last week's shared cooking experience was just another example.  SAVE THE DATE of Feb. 21 at 5:30 PM for a panel discussion involving the two congregations, along with the AJC, JCC and others from the community.  The focus will be the film, "Shared Legacies: The African American-Jewish Civil Rights Alliance.  See the trailer here.  This groundbreaking film will be made available for viewing before the program.

- If you missed my talk last night on Jewish views on "The Good Life," as part of the Interfaith Council's Midwinter Theological Seminar, here's the Zoom video:

Rabbi Hammerman Midwinter Theological Study 1-28-21

- Another save-the-date.  We are doing another Zoom Seder, this time on the second night of Passover, Sunday evening, March 28.  

Jew By (Whose) Choice

I was fascinated by a story shared by Forward editor (and former Hoffman lecturer) Jodi Roduren, who wrote in her weekly email about an awkward moment that recently occurred.  The Forward wanted to honor Kamala Harris's blended Jewish family, and in particular her 22-year old stepdaughter Ella Emhoff, only to discover that she is not Jewish.  

Wait, what?

Didn't she come up with the name "Momela" for her step-mom?  Isn't her dad being called the unofficial "Second Mensch?"  Perhaps we should have understood the subtle difference between "Momela" and the more Jew-ish "Mamela."

According to Ella's spokesperson Joseph David Viola, "Ella is not Jewish."Ella's dad has been "celebrating Judaism for a few years now but out of an independent search," and Ella was living on her own in New York during this period. "It's not something she grew up with," he explained. "Ella truly has no qualms with the faith, but she does not want to speak on behalf of Judaism, as she does not celebrate herself."  

Funny that he used the expression "celebrate." Has he not read his Lenny Bruce?

Gentiles celebrate; Jews observe. If Ella celebrated Jewish holidays, she would be the first person to do so!

Rudoren then goes onto explore the implications of this surprise reply for our Jewish conversations on intermarriage and assimilation,  and the increasingly complicated world of Jewish (and Jew-ish) identity that we inhabit. (Incidentally, not to toot my own horn, but I think I was the first to employ the expression "Jew-ish", though I can't take credit for "Jewish-adjacent).

 
Basically, in a well-intentioned desire to be inclusive, combined with a not-as-well intentioned desire to add a few more trophies to our Jewish "who's who" treasure chest, we added Ella to the fold against her will.  It was all a misunderstanding, of course, but maybe we should have asked before assuming.  

Yes, her father is Jewish, but we really don't need to gerrymander Ella in. There are enough famous Jews to go around. There's a cottage industry of websites out there identifying famous Jews and half-Jews.

We've got plenty of unknown Jews to discover.  About a decade ago, a team of geneticists uncovered explicit evidence of mass conversions of Sephardic Jews to Catholicism in 15th and 16th-century Spain and Portugal. The study, based on an analysis of Y-chromosomes and reported first in the American Journal of Human Genetics, indicates that 20 percent of the population of the Iberian Peninsula has Sephardic Jewish ancestry. That's about 10 million people. So we can leave Ella alone.

But chromosomes don't make a Jew Jewish either.  Neither does having a Jewish father - or mother, for that matter.  Ultimately, we are all Jews by choice.  

This week I had the pleasure of performing my first (and TBE's first) Zoom conversion ceremony.  The candidate, who now lives in Boston, immersed in the safe, socially distanced warm waters of the progressive Mayyim Hayyim mikva in Newton, MA, while three Jewish clergy "witnessed" the proceedings from three remote locations in Connecticut.  So where did the conversion occur?  Who knows - but it happened, and it was very real and very meaningful.  We are all Jews by Choice.

And Ella Emhoff is a non-Jew by choice.  Some will consider this to be tragic news, claiming that another soul has been lost to the Jewish people.  I don't see it that way at all.  Certainly, it would be nice if more children with Jewish ancestry could have the positive, immersive Jewish childhood experiences that might lead one to answer the question differently at age 22.  But age 22 is a time of questioning for most people, so I don't hold that against her, not do I indict her father for her reply.  Maybe someday she will feel comfortable taking the same plunge taken by a Jew by Choice in Newton this week. It is never too late for an immersive Jewish experience.

Jodi Bromberg, who runs the interfaith outreach website 18doors (we have a close relationship with them), told Jodi Roduren, "I don't think we are good as a Jewish community at talking about the complexity and nuance of identity -- even the labels that we use don't always reflect our ongoing practices. We've got to embrace the messiness," she added. "Young-adult children are free to make their own spiritual and religious decisions -- and will whether we want them to or not. But that's not fixed for any of us."

Theodore Herzl was one of the most important Jews of all time. Yet none of his three children was Jewish and only one descendant, a grandson, was a Zionist - and he committed suicide. Nancy Pelosi has Jewish grandchildren. Eight of Moses Mendelssohn's nine grandchildren were baptized. Thomas Jefferson reportedly had Jewish ancestors (and we know of course about his African-American descendants). We've become the La Guardia Airport of faith traditions; so many coming in, so many going out.

Oh, and Fiorello La Guardia had a Jewish parent, in fact, as does Sean Penn.

The Herzl family history was tragic, but no more so than the ancestry of King David. His great grandmother was Ruth, a Moabite, whose on-the-fly conversion following the tragic deaths of her husband and brother-in-law is recalled every year on Shavuot. 

A Midrash states that every Jew was present at Sinai, including all future generations. If David and Ruth were there, what about Fiorello, Sean and Jefferson's progeny of all hues? What about 10 million Iberians, whose only crime was that their ancestors were forced to convert? We can't retroactively crop them out of the Sinai family picture.

 

And I won't cut Ella out either.  Nor will I paste her in against her will.  The lesson here is that nothing is static about Jewish identity.  It is always flowing, like the living waters of the mikva.  

Or the flowing, splashing waves of the Red Sea.

Shabbat Shalom

Rabbi Joshua Hammerman