Sparing the Rod?
Rabbi Joshua Hammerman
Friday, April 22, 2011
Q - I was shocked to read recently that corporal punishment is still legal in 20 states. I also know the famous quote from Proverbs, “Spare the rod, spoil the child.” But on Passover we are taught to answer a child’s questions with patience. Is it ever acceptable for a parent or teacher to hit a child?
A - It is never appropriate to hit a child, at school or at home. Period.
As a youth, I was spanked from time to time. I learned nothing about being a better person from it, and certainly nothing about being a better parent. Effective punishment can be meted out in other ways and the line separating discipline from abuse has gotten too easy to cross. I’ve long felt, in fact, that responsibility to circumcise is placed on the father precisely so that he will inflict upon his child a ritualized blow so intense as to make him recoil, yet so controlled that no damage is really done, to signify that this will be the worst the child will ever know from his parent's hand.
This month, New Mexico became the 31st state to ban corporal punishment in schools , though it is still allowed in American homes . Dozens of other nations, including Israel, have abolished corporal punishment in the family. U.S. Secretary of Education Arne Duncan recently said: "We want (children) to learn every day in school, but to do that, they must feel safe first. You cannot do your best or concentrate academically if you are scared."
OK, so let’s begin by banning hitting American children, anytime, anywhere.
Even the author of Proverbs itself seems somewhat uncomfortable with that infamous “spare the rod” quote. Elsewhere in the book he says, “Train a child according to his way.”
Did you notice as you sat around the Seder table that nowhere does the Haggadah speak about whapping the Wicked Child into submission? On the contrary, the sages were supremely uneasy about hitting kids, and the Talmud counters “Spare the rod” with gems such as: “Anger in a home is like rottenness in fruit”; “Never threaten children. Either punish them or forgive them”; and,” If you must strike a child, do so only with a shoelace.”
Remember the notorious commandment in Deuteronomy to stone to death a stubborn and rebellious son? According to the Talmud, it was never carried out, as the rabbis went to almost absurd lengths to legislate it out of existence.
So we’ve evolved since biblical times, but we still have a long way to go. Rabbi Mark Dratch points out that many Jewish children, like children everywhere, are the victims of physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. Our chief problem is no longer in how we mete out punishment, but how we abuse children even when reprimand isn’t on the agenda. In the Abraham story, the Torah sent a strong moral message opposing the prevailing practice of child sacrifice. Now, parents have found far more subtle ways to humiliate and torture their kids.
Where there was once "the strap," now we have the college admissions process.
Last month my synagogue screened “Race to Nowhere,” a devastating indictment of our achievement culture that has spawned a movement to transform education and safeguard the health of young people. As I watched this sobering film, the troubling questions kept coming, and they’ve been gnawing at me for weeks.
What are we doing to our kids? Are we literally killing them by piling on the homework and constantly demanding more, forcing them to poison their bodies with stress, stimulants and sleep deprivation? Are we killing their souls by giving them no choice but to cheat in order to keep up and by viewing their accomplishments solely from the prism of a college resume or GPA? Are we denying them a real childhood or preparing them for the pressures of the real world? And is all this "teaching to the test" actually robbing them of the ability to think, to intuit and to explore? Are we robbing them of curiosity and creativity - and in doing so, are we robbing this nation of what it says it wants, a generation of young adults who know how to innovate and think for themselves?
We are grinding our children through numbers machines, turning them into little walking computers, squeezing the humanity out of them, willingly sacrificing quality at the altar of quantity, always asking them for more (or as one girl in the film said, she hates the word "and" because no matter how many accomplishments she can rattle off, the response is always "and???")
The Talmud suggests that parents are obligated to teach their children basic survival skills, like how to swim. Instead, too many of us are throwing them to the sharks. So, while your question is well taken, the problem is far deeper than corporal punishment. The moral issue of the moment is not about whether it’s OK to use the paddle on kids in classrooms. It’s that we are forcing them to row upstream without one.
Rabbi Joshua Hammerman is spiritual leader of Temple Beth El in Stamford, CT. Read more Hammerman on Ethics here. Read his blog here
Showing posts with label jewish education. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jewish education. Show all posts
Friday, April 22, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
Jewish Education, the Seder and "Race to Nowhere"
How can the Seder save our education system? See this parsha packet for a collection of articles and information about the roles of parent and education system, the film, "Race to Nowhere" and how it all relates to the Passover Seder. (Also see in another posting my reflections on "A Race to Nowhere")
Why is the Seder so educationally sound?
1) It is multi-generational
2) NO TESTING, therefore, no teaching to the test. The lessons are learned through annual repetition and experiential activities.
3) It is done by the family - at home - and not at school. The parents are fully engaged as educators
4) Participation is individualized, according to the needs and abilities of all students (the Four Children)No child is ever left behind.
5) Through dramatic reenactments and visual aids (seder plate and those plagues bags), the lesson comes alive. We are THERE 6
) Food - 'Nuff said
7) It is decidedly low-tech. No distractions
8) A little wine can't hurt - but all is done in moderation
9) Games and rewards - bribery is a good thing. 1
0) Time Management skills are taught. It's a long lesson but you have to finish eating by midnight.
11) Music always helps. S
ee the packet for more details.
Why is the Seder so educationally sound?
1) It is multi-generational
2) NO TESTING, therefore, no teaching to the test. The lessons are learned through annual repetition and experiential activities.
3) It is done by the family - at home - and not at school. The parents are fully engaged as educators
4) Participation is individualized, according to the needs and abilities of all students (the Four Children)No child is ever left behind.
5) Through dramatic reenactments and visual aids (seder plate and those plagues bags), the lesson comes alive. We are THERE 6
) Food - 'Nuff said
7) It is decidedly low-tech. No distractions
8) A little wine can't hurt - but all is done in moderation
9) Games and rewards - bribery is a good thing. 1
0) Time Management skills are taught. It's a long lesson but you have to finish eating by midnight.
11) Music always helps. S
ee the packet for more details.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Reflections on "A Race to Nowhere"
On Wednesday evening, 300 people gathered here for the screening of "Race to Nowhere" a film that has generated intense conversation all across the country. I am gateful to our Sisterhood for having the wisdom to bring it and to Kulanu for partnering with us. As one reviewer noted, the film is "A call to mobilize families, educators and policymakers to help disprove the notion that the educational system is 'one-size-fits-all.'" It has become more than a film - it has become a movement. Even before the opening credits were shown, the mood in the room resembled the buzz just before Yom Kippur. A severe judgment was about to be passed, a judgment on ourselves and our society - guilty as charged. Guilty of murder in the first degree.
What are we doing to our kids? Are we literally killing them by piling on the homework and constantly demanding more, forcing them to poison their bodies with stress, stimulants and sleep deprivation? Are we killing their souls by giving them no choice but to cheat in order to keep up and by viewing their accomplishments solely from the prism of a college resume or GPA? Are we denying them a real childhood or preparing them for the pressures of the real world? And is all this "teaching to the test" actually robbing them of the ability to think, to intuit and to explore? Are we robbing them of curiosity and creativity - and in doing so, are we robbing this nation of what it says it wants, a generation of truly educated young adults?
I've collected some Jewish sources to help us respond to these tough questions. They are filled with wisdom. Essentially, the Talmud presents an educational theory designed to get us way beyond that infamous verse from Proverbs, "Spare the rod, spoil the child." I have a feeling that the rabbis would have loved to get rid of that bit of un-sage advice. Why else would they have come up with gems such as:
The parent who instructs by personal example rather than mere words, his/her audience will take his/her counsel to heart.
Never threaten children. Either punish them or forgive them.
If a small child is capable of shaking the lulav correctly, his parents should buy him his own lulav.
The parent who instructs by personal example rather than mere words, his/her audience will take his/her counsel to heart.
Even within Proverbs itself, there is an aphorism that, in itself, spares the rod, asking us to see each student as an individual endowed with singular gifts and a unique learning style: "Train a child according to his way."
People will debate whether the current system is a total failure or simply a demographic blip, a result of the baby boomlet that has reduced spaces in elite colleges to an all time low - and that has driven the level of competition through the roof. That's debatable, but what's beyond question is that the current white-hot degree of competition is also being fueled by the system itself and not simply by the demographics, and in fact by our obsession with all things numeric, specifically with test scores. We are grinding our children through numbers machines, turning them into little walking computers, squeezing the humanity out of them, willingly sacrificing quality at the altar of quantity - always asking them for more (or as one girl in the film said, she hates the word "and" because no matter how many accomplishments she can rattle off, the response is always "and???")
And because of that, we're killing our kids, body and soul.
What can we do about it?
First, we all need to admit that we are part of the problem. All of us. We feed into the mania and many have caused irreparable damage to our own children. No one on Wednesday night denied that. In the film, in fact, a professor who wrote a book on stressed out kids 'fessed up to some culpability with his own family. It is also is a documented fact that not all colleges are created equal, both in terms of the quality of education and the opportunities available to graduates. That intense competition will not go away. The film's website gives some helpful hints as to what parents and educators can do to change this culture. The movement to reduce homework and "teaching to the test" seems a promising beginning. Other suggestions are helpful too, like avoiding over scheduling and having family dinners together. That is something that my family has stressed over the years.
It is never too late to change. For years I've felt guilt over driving a gas guzzling S.U.V.; so yesterday I bought a Prius. Take that, Ahmadinejad! It's never too late.
For all its helpfulness, the film failed to focus on one area that deserves attention. Today's students are so pressured in part because so many of their families have severed ties with faith communities. At a time when families have become so atomized, with grandparents often thousands of miles away and, increasingly, with only one parent at home, the role of the "village" in raising a child has never been more important. Additionally, at a time when academic and social pressures have led to an epidemic of cheating (the numbers cited in the film are staggering), a moral anchor is needed more than ever. And finally, with kids untethered, released like so many helium balloons unto in a forbidding sky filled with dark clouds of hopelessness and despair, with drugs and even suicide becoming real options to them, parents alone can't possibly bring them safely home. Children need another home, a larger community, a place where people know their name and extend unconditional love. For Jewish kids, that place is the synagogue.
That place is this synagogue.
That place is also the Jewish youth group or camp, and it's why I'm so happy about how such things as USY, Kulanu and Ramah have taken my kids by the hand and steered them through that storm, toward adulthood. I know that other youth groups and camps are very helpful in accomplishing that as well, but they don't have the added advantage of reinforcing the tie between teens and their faith community, a tie that only increases in importance as they get older. I feel sadness for those kids who have had to attempt that journey on their own, and for families that decide that once bar mitzvah is over, it's OK to cut that communal cord. We want them here, under our watchful eye, where multiple generations can teach them the coping skills to help them get through the storm.
This is the place, and right now perhaps the only place, where no child is left behind.
What are we doing to our kids? Are we literally killing them by piling on the homework and constantly demanding more, forcing them to poison their bodies with stress, stimulants and sleep deprivation? Are we killing their souls by giving them no choice but to cheat in order to keep up and by viewing their accomplishments solely from the prism of a college resume or GPA? Are we denying them a real childhood or preparing them for the pressures of the real world? And is all this "teaching to the test" actually robbing them of the ability to think, to intuit and to explore? Are we robbing them of curiosity and creativity - and in doing so, are we robbing this nation of what it says it wants, a generation of truly educated young adults?
I've collected some Jewish sources to help us respond to these tough questions. They are filled with wisdom. Essentially, the Talmud presents an educational theory designed to get us way beyond that infamous verse from Proverbs, "Spare the rod, spoil the child." I have a feeling that the rabbis would have loved to get rid of that bit of un-sage advice. Why else would they have come up with gems such as:
The parent who instructs by personal example rather than mere words, his/her audience will take his/her counsel to heart.
Never threaten children. Either punish them or forgive them.
If a small child is capable of shaking the lulav correctly, his parents should buy him his own lulav.
The parent who instructs by personal example rather than mere words, his/her audience will take his/her counsel to heart.
Even within Proverbs itself, there is an aphorism that, in itself, spares the rod, asking us to see each student as an individual endowed with singular gifts and a unique learning style: "Train a child according to his way."
People will debate whether the current system is a total failure or simply a demographic blip, a result of the baby boomlet that has reduced spaces in elite colleges to an all time low - and that has driven the level of competition through the roof. That's debatable, but what's beyond question is that the current white-hot degree of competition is also being fueled by the system itself and not simply by the demographics, and in fact by our obsession with all things numeric, specifically with test scores. We are grinding our children through numbers machines, turning them into little walking computers, squeezing the humanity out of them, willingly sacrificing quality at the altar of quantity - always asking them for more (or as one girl in the film said, she hates the word "and" because no matter how many accomplishments she can rattle off, the response is always "and???")
And because of that, we're killing our kids, body and soul.
What can we do about it?
First, we all need to admit that we are part of the problem. All of us. We feed into the mania and many have caused irreparable damage to our own children. No one on Wednesday night denied that. In the film, in fact, a professor who wrote a book on stressed out kids 'fessed up to some culpability with his own family. It is also is a documented fact that not all colleges are created equal, both in terms of the quality of education and the opportunities available to graduates. That intense competition will not go away. The film's website gives some helpful hints as to what parents and educators can do to change this culture. The movement to reduce homework and "teaching to the test" seems a promising beginning. Other suggestions are helpful too, like avoiding over scheduling and having family dinners together. That is something that my family has stressed over the years.
It is never too late to change. For years I've felt guilt over driving a gas guzzling S.U.V.; so yesterday I bought a Prius. Take that, Ahmadinejad! It's never too late.
For all its helpfulness, the film failed to focus on one area that deserves attention. Today's students are so pressured in part because so many of their families have severed ties with faith communities. At a time when families have become so atomized, with grandparents often thousands of miles away and, increasingly, with only one parent at home, the role of the "village" in raising a child has never been more important. Additionally, at a time when academic and social pressures have led to an epidemic of cheating (the numbers cited in the film are staggering), a moral anchor is needed more than ever. And finally, with kids untethered, released like so many helium balloons unto in a forbidding sky filled with dark clouds of hopelessness and despair, with drugs and even suicide becoming real options to them, parents alone can't possibly bring them safely home. Children need another home, a larger community, a place where people know their name and extend unconditional love. For Jewish kids, that place is the synagogue.
That place is this synagogue.
That place is also the Jewish youth group or camp, and it's why I'm so happy about how such things as USY, Kulanu and Ramah have taken my kids by the hand and steered them through that storm, toward adulthood. I know that other youth groups and camps are very helpful in accomplishing that as well, but they don't have the added advantage of reinforcing the tie between teens and their faith community, a tie that only increases in importance as they get older. I feel sadness for those kids who have had to attempt that journey on their own, and for families that decide that once bar mitzvah is over, it's OK to cut that communal cord. We want them here, under our watchful eye, where multiple generations can teach them the coping skills to help them get through the storm.
This is the place, and right now perhaps the only place, where no child is left behind.
"Race to Nowhere" - Jewish Sources
“Race to Nowhere” - Jewish Sources
The Talmud delineates certain obligations that a parent has toward a child (they are stated in the masculine, but, aside from the obvious, we can extrapolate to females too):
"A father is obligated to do the following for his son: to circumcise him, to redeem him if he is a first born, to teach him Torah, to find him a wife, and to teach him a trade. Others say: teaching him how to swim as well." (Kiddushin 29a)
"A father is obligated to do the following for his son: to circumcise him, to redeem him if he is a first born, to teach him Torah, to find him a wife, and to teach him a trade. Others say: teaching him how to swim as well." (Kiddushin 29a)
What does this mean? Parents must:
- Give their child the chance to take root in the Jewish community through the rituals of initiation
- And to gain proficiency and literacy in Jewish ethics and culture, through the study of our sacred texts (so that they will become good people and comprehend the Jewish vision of the good life)
- In sum, a child has a right to a Jewish identity.
- In obligating a parent to find a child a spouse, the Talmud indicates that parental responsibility extends beyond childhood, until (at least) the children have the means to live fully independently. For some kids, that time may never occur. - But in the hopes that it does, parents are obligated to teach the child a trade. The Talmud states “Anyone who does not teach his son a skill or profession may be regarded as if he is teaching him to rob.” (Kiddushin 29a)
- As for swimming, parents are obligated to provide their children with basic survival skills, so that they won’t drown, either literally or figuratively. In our time, time management skills could be considered survival skills. If kids are staying up all night and gulping down stimulants and pulling all nighters simply to get their homework done, we parents and educators are failing our job.
Some more pearls of wisdom from the Talmud on education:
• Never threaten children. Either punish them or forgive them. (Semahot 2:6)
• Denying a child religious knowledge robs the child of an inheritance. (Talmud Sanhedrin 91b)
• Every parent is obligated to train his/her children in the observance of mitzvot, for it is written: "Train a child according to his way." (Proverbs 22:6)
• Mothers should introduce their children to the Torah. (Exodus Rabbah 28:2)
• A father should be careful to keep his son from lies, and he should always keep his word to his children. (Sukkah 46b)
• If a small child is capable of shaking the lulav correctly, his parents should buy him his own lulav. (Sukkah 28a)
• Anger in a home is like rottenness in fruit. (Talmud Sotah 3)
• Rabbah said that a parent should never show favoritism among his/ her children. (Talmud Shabbat 10b)
• A parent should not promise to give a child something and then not give it, because in that way the child learns to lie. (Sukkah 46b)
• The parent who teaches his son, it is as if he had taught his son, his son’s son, and so on to the end of generations. (Talmud Kiddushin 36)
• The parent who instructs by personal example rather than mere words, his/her audience will take his/her counsel to heart. The parent who does not practice what he/she so eloquently preaches, his/her advice is rejected. (Commentary to Ethics of Our Fathers)
Source: http://www.madrichim.org/contents.aspx?id=2244
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Technology and Jewish Education: A Revolution in the Making
I'm proud to have played a part in this exciting new venture by JESNA - the best Jewish education think tank going.
Introducing:"Technology and Jewish Education: A Revolution in the Making."
JESNA's Lippman Kanfer Institute would like to invite you to the launch of a new website www.jesna.org/je3, devoted to the growing impact of technology on Jewish learning and teaching.
The JE3 (Jewish Education 3.0) website grows out of a year-long process in which thought leaders, visionaries, and activists in the burgeoning world of Jewish educational technology met together both face-to-face and virtually to share ideas about the future of Jewish education in the age of Google, Facebook, Twitter, web 2.0, and beyond. Contributors to the site include individuals like My Jewish Learning.com's Daniel Septimus; Rabbi and author of thelordismyshepard.com: Seeking God in Cyberspace Joshua Hammerman; Jewish Television Network founder and Los Angeles Jewish Federation CEO Jay Sanderson, and Darim Online founder Lisa Colton. Together with more than a dozen of these leaders, we have put together in JE3 the first digital, open-source publication for the field of Jewish education on technology.
Here, you will find:
A "core narrative" exploring the far-reaching implications of new communication technologies for how we think about and implement Jewish education
Articles from our contributors.
A blog for both technology news and resources.
A feed from the #Jed21 discussion on Twitter.Plus, a featured video section and core narrative on our homepage.
Introducing:"Technology and Jewish Education: A Revolution in the Making."
JESNA's Lippman Kanfer Institute would like to invite you to the launch of a new website www.jesna.org/je3, devoted to the growing impact of technology on Jewish learning and teaching.
The JE3 (Jewish Education 3.0) website grows out of a year-long process in which thought leaders, visionaries, and activists in the burgeoning world of Jewish educational technology met together both face-to-face and virtually to share ideas about the future of Jewish education in the age of Google, Facebook, Twitter, web 2.0, and beyond. Contributors to the site include individuals like My Jewish Learning.com's Daniel Septimus; Rabbi and author of thelordismyshepard.com: Seeking God in Cyberspace Joshua Hammerman; Jewish Television Network founder and Los Angeles Jewish Federation CEO Jay Sanderson, and Darim Online founder Lisa Colton. Together with more than a dozen of these leaders, we have put together in JE3 the first digital, open-source publication for the field of Jewish education on technology.
Here, you will find:
A "core narrative" exploring the far-reaching implications of new communication technologies for how we think about and implement Jewish education
Articles from our contributors.
A blog for both technology news and resources.
A feed from the #Jed21 discussion on Twitter.Plus, a featured video section and core narrative on our homepage.
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