With all that’s going wrong in the world, it’s nice to be able to be distracted for a few hours for a football game on a Sunday in February. And each year, I’ve predicted the winner of said Super Bowl, using biblical and rabbinic sources and various hermeneutical and kabbalistic tools, and somehow, my predictions have almost always turned out to be right.
So as a public service, here are my unorthodox observations on why God is picking either the Pats or Seahawks this week.
But first, three disclaimers:
I believe our society has a severe sports gambling problem, irresponsibly abetted by the media and the leagues themselves, and it is only a matter of time before a cataclysmic scandal ruins sports in America. See my observations in a prior posting devoted to this topic, Religion and America’s Gambling Problem.
Second, God doesn’t give a whit as to who wins a sporting event. At least no God I can believe in. But God cares that we care, because being passionate about the success of a team is an excellent way to teach children - and others - the art of empathy. And seeing so many athletes turn to their faith for inspiration, while it makes me uncomfortable when they proselytize, inspires me when they don’t. For me, caring about the Red Sox during their 86 years of frustration helped me to support underdogs everywhere - including victims on the streets of Minneapolis today.
Finally, I feel almost irresponsible buying into the distraction of the Super Bowl, at a time when the most malignant presidency in our history is protecting rapists, murdering innocent Americans, killing legacy media outlets1, squelching free speech and trying to steal elections2.
But the fact is that we do need a diversion from time to time. And what better way to divert than to do it as an act of unity, sharing the same experience as 130 million other Americans. The Super Bowl reminds us that we can be one nation from time to time, laughing, crying and complaining about the same things. It’s also a reminder of the potential of teamwork and the power of faith. I’ve never been to a Super Bowl, but I’ve never missed one either. We can all watch the same game.
And as an added bonus, President Trump will not be attending. He knows he would have been booed mercilessly. So we can all take a deep breath and feel good that the natural order of the universe has been restored…. Trump is not going to be there and the Patriots will be! (Sorry for that bit of partisanship. It won’t be the last.)
So now, here it is……
MY ANNUAL SUPER BOWL PREDICTION, USING BIBLICAL AND RELATED SOURCES
Pat Patriarch
Let’s start with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. There is a clear etymological connection between “patriarchs” and “Patriots.” Both are derived from the Greek patriarkhēs (family ruler). So we’ve got the fathers of monotheism on one hand, and the fathers of our country, on the other, an uncanny convergence of patrimony. The two share much in common: Abraham planted trees, George Washington cut one down. Samuel Adams had a biblical name. So did Isaac.
However, a closer look reveals that the Seahawks are the only team in this Super Bowl with an Abraham on the roster: Abraham "Abe" Lucas. But wait, Bob Kraft’s dearly departed brother, whom I had the pleasure of knowing, was named Avram. Avram is the Hebrew equivalent of Abraham. Since the Hebrew is closer to the biblical source, I have to give a point to the Patriots.
As for the patriarch Jacob, the Patriots final roster cuts last summer included a player named Demontrey Jacobs. There are no current players on either squad named Isaac or Jacob - or Paul Revere or Ben Franklin, for that matter, but bookmark Paul Revere for the moment.
So, 1-0 for the Patriots. As you can see, I’m totally objective. Just letting the Bible tell us the story.
Josh or Ga’ash?
Here’s something interesting. Let’s take a look at Joshua 24:30, where we read that the great military leader Joshua was buried in Samaria, north of Mount Ga’ash,3 a site that was known to be a volcano. The word ga’ash actually means “to quake.”
Seattle is situated north of North America’s most famous volcano, Mount St. Helens.4 In contrast, the last volcanic eruption in New England was in New Hampshire, 77 million years ago. There are only two hills that can be remotely considered volcanoes in the entire New England region, not including Bill Belichick when he heard about the Hall of Fame vote. So Joshua 24 seems to be pointing us toward Seattle, rather than New England. But what does that mean? That Seattle will be buried, like Joshua, or that it will erupt, like the volcano?
As an aside, it so happens that Ga’ash today is known as a nude beach north of Tel Aviv5. Both Seattle and New England have nude beaches, so no skin in the game there. But having just walked my dog Casey on the beach on this frigid day, I would not suggest going au natural in New England this week.
If there is a connection between volcanic terrain and the death of Joshua, might the Bible be hinting that someone named Joshua will be “buried,” metaphorically, this Sunday? Hopefully not this Joshua!
Seattle has two Joshes on its active roster, cornerback Josh Jobe and lineman Josh Jones, and Josh Bynes is assistant coach of the linebackers. The Patriots have Joshua Dobbs, backup quarterback and lineman Josh Farmer, along with offensive coordinator Josh McDaniels. So, with an equal number of Joshes, which Joshes will be “buried?”
Well, there’s one more Josh to mention, and once again the Kraft family holds the trump card (though speaking of Trump, I really wish Bob Kraft, whom I deeply respect - his father was a father figure to me when I was growing up at the same synagogue - would stop appearing in photos next to Trump at the commandeered “Trump” Kennedy Center). Yes, Robert’s son Josh, who recently ran for mayor of Boston, tips the Joshua scales in New England’s direction, 4 Joshes to 3.
But the question remains, will the team with more Joshes be buried or will the burial be reserved for those residing north of the volcano?
Will it be Josh - or Ga’ash?
Coffee or Tea?
When we think of any Boston-Seattle matchup our thoughts turn to coffee. Seattle’s Starbucks vs. Boston’s Dunkin. Whose coffee is better? People did a complete analysis in 2015, “Super Bowl Smackdown of Coffee,” and Starbucks came out on top. Of course, we know who won the game.
When in doubt, to resolve a dispute like this I resort to the time-tested “who is Jewish?” test, in the spirit of Adam Sandler’s “Hanukkah Song.” 6 So Howard Schultz, the former CEO of Starbucks, is Jewish, as was the founder of Dunkin. William Rosenberg opened the first DDs in 1950 in Quincy, Massachusetts (click here to see Biblical fun facts about doughnuts). So no help there.
But it’s not really about coffee OR doughnuts. It’s about TEA
As good as Dunkin’s coffee is - America runs on it, after all - DD’s is more about the doughnuts. Seattle and Starbucks are all about the coffee (and not just Starbucks). And beyond Dunkin, Boston is better known for tea.
As in Boston Tea Party.
Seattle never had a Coffee Party, where everyone dressed up as a Californian and threw a hundred cartons of milk froth into the sound. And even if that happened, if you go back to the Adam Sandler thing, survey says… Jewish folklore favors tea. What immigrant from the Old Country wouldn’t prefer a “gless tea” with a sugar cube to a mocha latte with almond milk? If I asked my grandmother whether she wanted an extra shot, she would think I’m talking about diabetes.
Neither tea nor coffee are mentioned in the Bible per se, but Ezekiel 47:12 speaks of “leaves used for healing.” So the prophet could well have been talking about tea, whereas coffee did not exist in the Middle East at all during biblical times.
Coffee and tea both have deep spiritual resonance, tea representing mindfulness and meditation and coffee alertness and focus. Both are stimlants that also comfort us. Each warms us on a frigid day and cools us in the summer. Each of these magical liquids has its place and both are considered medicinal. But especially tea - like the time I drank coca tea in Peru to combat altitude sickness. Ultimately, though I personally prefer coffee - and yes, I think DD’s coffee is less enjoyable than medicinal at 7 AM on the Mass. Pike, whereas Starbucks is much more pleasurable, at least if the barista gets my name right - what matters here is that Ezekiel prefers tea.
It’s not about my preference. Ezekiel is saying, “Go with the tea.” So I gotta go with ‘Zeke.
The City of Tea beats the City of Coffee.
Are Seahawks Kosher?
There is no bird specifically called a “seahawk” in the Bible, but hawks do appear. In Leviticus, chapter 11, the hawk is listed among unkosher birds. Interestingly, the hawk is listed just below the raven and indeed, the Ravens the Super Bowl one year before the Seahawks’ most recent – and only – Super Bowl championship.
Hawk in Hebrew is “Netz.” (I thought they played in Brooklyn!) Commentaries about the bird focus on its blinding speed. That’s especially true for Seattle’s defense, but if we are comparing the two quarterbacks in this game, the Pats’ QB Drake Maye holds a definitive speed edge.
Incidentally, Drake Maye’s name in Hebrew, with the words reversed, (Maye, D’Rake) means “waters of emptiness.” Make of that what you will. Perhaps it’s an allusion to Psalm 114, where trembling - and dry - clumps of earth - like Mt. Ga’ash (?) - miraculously are made to gush with water:
If you check the drought conditions going on right now in the state of Washington (see the official drought monitor map below), Seattle seems safe, but the eastern part of the state has a real problem and could use a good gush.
More on Hawks in the Bible
Back to hawks. The rabbis commented on the hawk’s keen eyesight, saying in the Midrash, “It can stand in Babylon and see a carcass in the land of Israel.” That speaks to excellent scouting and Seattle’s superior pass defense to stop long range throws.
Score one for the Seahawks. Hey, I’m nothing if not fair!
And check Job 39:26: “Does the hawk fly by your wisdom, and stretch her wings toward the south?” The numerical equivalent7 of the word “netz” (hawk) is 140. That is equivalent to the word “koom,” “arise” (without the vowel). Perhaps the numerical equivalence is hinting at something here. The Hawks will arise late in the game – and it might come down to whether the Seahawks are headed toward the south side of the field in the fourth quarter.
A Midnight Ride?
Interestingly, just few verses earlier in Job, in verse 39:20, we read: “Have you given the horse his strength? Have you clothed his neck with fierceness?” Could this juxtaposition of hawk and horse verses be the Bible’s way of informing us of their positioning on the scoreboard, that the seahawks will score 26 and the riders of horses 20? If you need more proof, check out verse 18: “When the time cometh, she raises her wings on high, and scorns the horse and his rider.”
Since the Broncos didn’t make it and the Colts collapsed midseason, there are just two teams known for their involvement with horses: the Cowboys (who may never win another Super Bowl) and… the Patriots.
Is Job talking about Paul Revere?
Patriot is a Hebrew word…sort of
How about this: In the Jerusalem Talmud (Berachot 9) a protector is called a “Patranos.” This clearly refers to the New England offensive line, which will improve on an uneven postseason and protect Drake Maye, or, in the words of rookie tackle Will Campbell, to “fight and die.” for the QB.8
And this: Also, in Hebrew, “Pitriot” are mushrooms. Go here to see some gorgeous looking Israeli mushrooms, likely from the Hefer Valley (a fertile strip of land in Central Israel). This area of the country was redeemed by the Jewish National Fund in the early pioneer days, and the great symbol of that redemption, at least here, are Pitriot.
Interestingly, in modern Hebrew a "pehter" is also a "trigger action," indicating that the Pats will be especially effective in the shotgun, and the verb derivative "hiftir" means "to sack." Clearly, their pass rush will be ferocious. Finally, "niftar," the passive form of the root, means to die. I'm not sure what to make of that.
So how will it end?
Whichever team wins, the other will be saying what parents have said to their Bar/Bat Mitzvah children for centuries, "Baruch shep'tarani," which means, "Thank God I'm not longer going to have to deal with your shenanigans,” and in modern Hebrew, "Good riddance." All from the Hebrew root letters peh-tet-resh.
The Seahawks felt that way about the Patriots in 2015. If they ever would see them again in the Super Bowl, it would be too soon.
Well, here we are.
So here is one more biblical word that I think ties much of this together. If Drake Maye’s name in Hebrew corresponds to “waters of emptiness,” the Patriots need someone to fill the cup, so to speak, to provide water for the tea to be tossed, to irrigate the dry volcanic soil and drench those birds of the sea. And we find just the person in Genesis 40, the man who saves Joseph and enables him to emerge from prison and set history in motion. Pharaoh’s mashkeh, his water bearer.
His butler.
Pats by 4. Just like old times.
…of course it must be stated that in no way do I condone gambling, and past performance should not be an indicator of future results… Oh, and God does not care who wins the Super Bowl. But God cares that we care.9
By all means, read Ashley Parker’s latest, The Murder of the Washington Post
See Ronan Farrow’s latest posting on DOGE, privacy and the elections. Terrifying.
From Biblehub:
Mt Saint Helens (Wikipedia)
Here’s a photo of the beach, on Trip Advisor. What - did you think I’d print a close-up?
Sandler’s Hanukkah Song:
“Pat-ron” as protector: Here’s the page from the Jerusalem Talmud - the protector sounds just like a loyal lineman guarding his quarterback. It’s reminiscent of tackle Will Campbell stating on draft day that he will “fight and die” for Drake Maye.
Does God care who wins the World Series or Super Bowl?
It was on Simhat Torah of 1986 that I learned the answer to that question. The night before, my beloved Boston Red Sox had blown the ultimate chance to win a World Series, losing the sixth game to the Mets in heartbreaking fashion. I cried for half the night, wondering why God could allow this to happen. Then, the following morning, I caught myself crying again while dancing with the Torah. At that point I stopped and wondered, what truly do I care about more: a sports team or the Torah? Which one had people given their lives for over the centuries? Which one had taught me how to live a good life? Which one had instilled people with hope during times much darker than these? I decided that it was time to stop crying and start rejoicing with the Torah. But I also understood that sports are important, because my caring so deeply for the Red Sox is what trained me as a youth how to care for things that are even more important. In that sense, then, God does indeed care about the World Series and Superbowl?
A towering rabbinical drash! Learned a new word hermeneutical! Your poodle Casey! A reference to ours - Zeke! And washed down with a glasseleh tea and a sugar cube! Enough to make me maybe root for the Pats!
Thanks Scott. “Hermeneutical” doesn’t come up until year 3 of rabbinical school :). Interesting that AI on Google had no idea what to do with “gless tea.”
Say hi to Casey for me ♥️🐾
Will do. He’s doing great! (Tfu tfu tfu - may the evil eye stay away)
I have no interest in sports but am an avid tea drinker. Thanks for the hilarious post!
Thanks so much, Jodie. Me, not so much, but I certainly needed that coca tea in Peru!
Astute analysis Rabbi! I love your prediction but dislike your opinion of Dunkin’ coffee! Go Pats!
Thanks for the much needed comic relief!
If G-d had permitted, you would have been a master of kabbalah.
The Lord works in mysterious ways!
No wonder this was in my 'bullshit' mail list. No person of any true religion would 'respect' Kraft. Like all billionaires, he has ruined our team & a sport 'regular' people used to love & be able to attend. $$$$ is destroying this country. Sports, religion, tv, politics, etc, etc.
I understand your general points about $$$$, but despite his imperfections, and his puzzling support of Trump, Robert Kraft has done an enormous amount of good. I’m proud to appear in your “bullshit” list, but please don’t lump people into categories, as you do here. Even billionaires are individual human beings. And to claim that he has “ruined our team” is precisely the opposite of the truth. I’m assuming you were not yet a Pats fan in the early ‘90s when he bought a team that had won exactly no Super Bowls and saved it from moving to St Louis. Thanks for reading!