Shabbat – O – Gram
May 13, 2005 and Iyar 4, 5765
Happy 57th,
Send your friends and relatives the gift of Jewish awareness -- a Shabbat-O-Gram each week,
by signing them up at www.tbe.org
Contents of the Shabbat O Gram: (click to scroll down)
Just the Facts (service schedule)
Required Reading and Action Items (links to key articles on Israel and Jewish life)
Announcements (goings on in and around TBE)
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"Whoever has seen and known from up close the most terrible cost of accursed war will forever vow to do everything he can to prevent the next generation, the children of today, the soldiers of tomorrow from [experiencing] the cost of war, so as to illuminate the future of Israel with the prospect of security and peace."
Prime Minister Sharon, at an Israeli Memorial Day ceremony
Friday Evening
Candle lighting for Stamford, CT: 7:45 pm on Friday, 13 May 2005. For candle lighting times, other Jewish calendar information, and to download a Jewish calendar to your PDA, click on http://www.hebcal.com/.
Class dinner for our younger grades: 6:00 PM
FAMILY FRIDAY Shabbat Service: 7:30 PM in the sanctuary, featuring the Junior Choir. This will be our last Family Friday of the season. Outdoor services will begin next week, weather permitting.
Shabbat Morning: 9:30 AM – Mazal tov to Chelsea Eisenberg, who becomes Bat Mitzvah this Shabbat morning. Welcome to our Tzahal Shalom Israeli Soldiers and to their TBE host families:
Poser Family - Kareen Ovadia, 23 Year Old Army Officer
Zabronsky Family - Shiran Akunis, 21 Year Old Navy Officer
Jacobs/Cohen Family - Erad Bahrab, 28 Year Old Army Officer
Boyer Family - Hagai Avraham, 24 Year Old Naval Officer
The Tzahal Shalom program of the JCC brings us all closer to
Children’s services: 10:30 AM, including Jr. Congregation for grades 3-6 and Tot Shabbat Morning for the younger kids
Torah Portion: Emor - Leviticus 21:1 - 24:23
1: 21:1-6
2: 21:7-12
3: 21:13-15
4: 21:16-24
5: 22:1-9
6: 22:10-12
7: 22:13-16
maf: 22:13-16
Haftarah - Ezekiel 44:15 - 44:31
See a weekly commentary from the UJC Rabbinic Cabinet, at www.ujc.org/mekorchaim. Read the Masorti commentary at http://www.masorti.org/mason/torah/index.asp. University of Judaism, JTS commentary is at: http://learn.jtsa.edu/topics/parashah/. USCJ Torah
. For online Parsha quizzes from Pardes in
Rosner Minyan Maker
http://www.tbe.org/minyan/index.php
Pick a Day – or pick several – and join us for morning minyan. Check our minyan calendar often to see which days need the most help. If the day is colored red that means there is a yahrzeit scheduled for that day. Also, feel free to e-mail me at rabbi@tbe.org to ensure a guaranteed minyan for that day, indicating the date of the yahrzeit and whether it would be OK to use your name in making that request.
We’ve had a guaranteed minyan request for a yahrzeit for next week!! Please go to the Rosner Minyan Maker to sign up!
Hospitality is essential to spiritual practice. It reminds you that you are part of a greater whole. . . .
Putting others first puts you in the midst of life without the illusion of being the center of life.
— Rabbi Rami M. Shapiro in Minyan
Morning Minyan: Sundays at 9:00 AM, Weekdays at 7:30 AM – IN THE CHAPEL
Minyan Mastery
Now you can become more comfortable with the prayers of our morning service by heading to…
http://www.tbe.org/site/sog/minyanmastery.htm
Yom Ha’atzmaut and Shabbat
YOM HA’ATZMAUT FEATURE | |
This Independence Day, Israelis can reaffirm their interdependence | |
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STAMFORD, Conn., May 4 (JTA) — Israel became a state on the fifth of Iyar, 5708, or May 14, 1948. There are few other dates more identifiable to Jews. Those who were alive will never forget that fateful day, 57 years ago, when Ben-Gurion read the Declaration of I was not alive then, but I can imagine what that first Shabbat must have felt like. I’ve experienced that sense of foreboding and helplessness at other times, like when the first Scuds were launched during the 1991 Gulf War, or during those confusing early hours of the Six-Day War in 1967 or on Yom Kippur 1973. To fully appreciate the miracle of Understandably, Israelis typically choose to toss the stress aside on this Yom Ha’atzmaut — The calendar gives us a perfect opening to do just that. This year, the fifth of Iyar falls precisely on May 14, for only the second time since 1948. Not only that, but it falls on Shabbat. But wait. Our calendar tells us that when the fifth of Iyar falls on Shabbat, the celebration is moved ahead two days to Thursday, so it does not conflict with the day of rest. Now I can understand the potential conflicts Shabbat would present for parades and cookouts, but this year of all years, we should keep May 14, Iyar 5 and Shabbat on the same page. Or, to quote the Torah portion read on that Sabbath, Emor, which details the Jewish festival cycle and codifies the rhythms of sacred time, “These are the set times of the Lord, the sacred occasions, which you shall celebrate each at its appointed time” (Lev. 23:4). Nothing is in there about cookouts or transferring commemorations to Thursday. Perhaps So what makes this year so worthy of a “Shabbat Ha’atzmaut?” Shabbat provides an opportunity to reaffirm mutual interdependence rather than national independence. On this day we abstain from dominion and disputation, replacing them with coexistence and “Shalom Bayit” — peace in the home. “Six days a week we seek to dominate the world,” wrote Abraham Joshua Heschel. “On the seventh day we try to dominate the self.” I don’t know about the rest of the Jewish world, but on this triply sacred Saturday in May I’ll be immersed in reflection — about my thirst for peace, my love for my neighbor and the miracle of my resurrected Jewish homeland. | |
THE DISNGAGMENT FROM
On this week of
1) Judaism always has stated that the “law of the land” is the law – in other words, rising up against a decision of the government is something frowned upon in almost every instance. Read of a fascinating symposium on the subject that took place at Yeshiva U, as reported in a blog representing the settlers from Yesha (Hebrew acronym for Judea,
2) The Land, while important and holy, is not an ultimate value unto itself – otherwise it would become a form of idolatry. Further, it is by no means clear that
Halakhah.”
3) Even for those who see this plan as a disaster, it can never justify violence against current leaders, most notably assassination of a Prime Minister. For more on this, see the Masorti response to the killing of Prime Minister Rabin, at http://www.responsafortoday.com/moment/4_1.htm
4) This week it was confirmed that the date for disengagement to begin has been moved to August 15. Whoever set the original date of mid July did not take into account the very powerful impact of the Jewish calendar on most Israelis – and especially observant ones. To set the date right smack during the three weeks of national mourning, a time when moving is considered very, very unlucky, a time when we recall Jewish expulsions and national calamities, well, it wasn’t very smart. To read more background on the restrictions of the “three weeks,” go to http://www.shemayisrael.co.il/threeweeks/laweeks.htm. Some of these restrictions might seem anachronistic, given the miraculous rise of modern Israel in our day, and some of them might seem downright humorous (did you know that one is permitted to stay or work in a place where they are playing music over the intercom and it is permitted to listen to a commercial that has music in the background – or that although we shouldn’t buy new clothing, if there is a special sale, it’s OK!!), but many of the settlers most directly involved take these very, very seriously. Tisha B’Av is one holy day that receives scant attention here (because of its timing, it’s never taught in Hebrew Schools), but in Israel it’s a very big deal, especially for those more messianically-inclined, those looking for signs of God’s active involvement in Jewish history.
We all pray that peace and security will prevail during this difficult period in
A MEETING OF OUR
ON TUESDAY, MAY 17 AT 7:30.
KESHET TOUR LEADER PETER ABELOW WILL BE HERE TO DISCUSS DETAILS AND ANSWER ALL QUESTIONS. WITH OUR GROUP CURRENTLY CONSISTING OF 40 PEOPLE, WE HAVE ROOM FOR ONE OR PERHAPS TWO MORE FAMILIES! THIS MEETING IS OPEN TO THOSE WHO HAVE NOT YET SIGNED UP.
Temple Beth El of Stamford, CT
Led by Rabbi Joshua and Mara Hammerman
This unforgettable journey will have something for everyone:
· Full children’s program with youth counselor
· A glorious Shabbat in Jerusalem
· Archeological dig in the Judean Hills
· Relax at a five-star Dead Sea Spa
· Guest speakers and meaningful encounters with Israelis from a wide variety of backgrounds
· Ba· Wilderness Experience in the Negev
· Exploring Tel Aviv and the mystical city of Safed
· Visit to our sister city of Afula
· Boat ride on the Kinneret and Kayaking on the Jordan
FOR MORE INFORMATION, SEE OUR WEBSITE WWW.TBE.ORG
Required Reading and Action Items
Yom Ha’atzmaut special sections: Ha’aretz: 
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The New Israelis |
(Y-net) : Two-way independence - In many ways, Israel is the giver and the United States is the receiver, Yoram Ettinger writes
Sharon heckled at Bible quiz
We'll take 'Angry Settlers' for 500, Alex: Guards usher out teenagers who protest Gaza plan during Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's speech at Bible quiz in Jerusalem; Meanwhile, settlers march to fortify West Bank settlements Full Story . .
In honor of Yom Ha’atzmaut the Embassy is launching a new fully - animated game on the children's website: www.israel4kids.org.
User friendly information on
http://homepage.mac.com/agenious/iMovieTheater26.html - March of the Living at
PA to sound siren on 'Nakba Day' (J.post) Will stand still for one minute to protest the establishment of
Hoteliers hope for a good summer
Berlin dedicates Holocaust memorial
Let's Join Our Israeli Cousins in Their Mourning - Gil Troy
On Tuesday evening, May 10, and all day on Wednesday, May 11, the entire Jewish world should come to a standstill. In honor of
This year, Yom Hazikaron is particularly important, because, while it is not politic to shout it out loud,
"The Hell of Israel Is Better than the Paradise of Arafat" - Daniel Pipes
A substantial record of statements and actions suggests that, despite their anti-Zionist swagger,
Whereabouts of Bin Laden Are Known - Interview with Israel Defense Forces Chief of Staff Brig.-Gen. Moshe Ya'alon - Amnon Dankner and Ron Leshem (Maariv-Hebrew, 11May05)
- Q:
A: I didn't see any indication with Arafat - either at - Q: What will happen the day after disengagement?
A: It is not yet clear, it cannot be decided if it is worth it for us or not worth it. - Q: What about
A: If - Q: Are the Iranians far from reaching a bomb?
A: My assessment is that they are a year away, a year and a half away, from the point at which they can produce nuclear fuel by themselves. Just recently, it became clear to us that they received 12 cruise missiles - with a range of 3,000 kilometers - from the previous regime in - Q: What do we know about the murder of [former Lebanese prime minister] Hariri?
A: All the indications point to Syrian responsibility. - Q: What about Osama bin Laden? How is it possible that intelligence organizations don't know where he is?
A: No, that is not true. I don't think that they don't know where he is. There is an operational difficulty to grab him for many reasons. But it is not true that they don't know where he is.
Israel's Population Hits 6.9 Million
On the eve of
What can we do about the much-discussed British Adacemic Boycott of Israel
1) Read this article… 2) See Israel
Brits Burning Books
BY WALTER REICH
May 10, 2005
URL: http://www.nysun.com/article/13576
Seventy-two years ago today, Nazi-inspired German university students burned the books of Jews and other "un-German" authors in
Awakening to the fact that their guild has been hijacked by a jihad aimed at eliminating
Meeting last month, Britain's Association of University Teachers, which represents 49,000 of that country's academics, voted to boycott their Israeli colleagues at two universities, Haifa and Bar-Ilan, and to consider boycotting those at a third, the Hebrew University of Jerusalem. The boycott is so sweeping that it amounts to a book burning, only worse. Whereas in traditional book burnings, finished books were set alight, with other copies surviving elsewhere, the British form of the art is designed to abort the writing of books in the first place by preventing the research on the basis of which future books and papers, scientific and scholarly, would be written.
In the cases of the targeted institutions, the boycott calls on British scientists or other academics to stop participating with their Israeli colleagues in any form of academic or cultural cooperation, collaboration or joint projects. In practice, this means that the British academics are not to visit the targeted institutions, lecture or work with their scientists or other academics, invite those colleagues to lecture or to work with them in Britain, review papers by them for publication in scientific or scholarly journals, evaluate the merits of applications for funding by Israeli colleagues at those universities, or cooperate with those colleagues in any other way.
One of the boycotted universities,
The most obvious question is why the British academics never even considered declaring a boycott against academics in any of the countries that are the truly massive violators of academic freedom and human rights in the world. Why no boycott against academics in China, which regularly jails and sometimes kills political dissidents, and which half a century ago invaded and occupied Tibet, hundreds of times as large as the West Bank and Gaza put together, systematically transferring into it Chinese settlers? Why no boycott against academics in
Why no boycotts against academics in many Arab and Muslim countries where academic freedom either doesn't exist or is under constant attack, such as Syria, Egypt, and Iran? Why no boycott against academics in Saudi Arabia, which in recent weeks arrested 40 Pakistanis for secretly practicing Christianity in that theocracy that forbids the practice of any religion other than Islam? And why no boycott against academics in
The answer to all these questions was made evident at the convention at which the boycott vote was taken. The vote wasn't based on principle. It was based, rather, on politics. The true goal of the boycott's organizers - the elimination of
By voting for the boycott, British academics, most of them without realizing it, bought into the strategy, espoused by Palestinians and their supporters with increasing frequency and stridency, of claiming that Israel is an apartheid state, just as South Africa was, and that it's therefore illegitimate and should be eliminated and replaced by another state, Palestine. In addition to voting to declare their boycott, the academics voted to distribute to their membership a Palestinian position paper that claims that Israel carries out a policy of racial discrimination against Palestinians not only in the West Bank and Gaza but also in Israel itself, in its dealings with its own Arab citizens - a policy that, the paper says, "resembles the defunct apartheid system in South Africa." This sentiment has been expressed as well in the campaigns that have sprung up on campuses across the
In reality, there's simply no comparison between
Ironically, the boycott, by quashing research, publication, and international academic discussion, makes a mockery of the traditionally fierce commitment on the part of academics to the free exchange of ideas and knowledge, an exchange that in itself prods the creation of new knowledge - which, in the case of Israeli medical science, in particular, has benefited humanity immensely.
And, perhaps, even more ironically, the boycott comes at a time when there's a glimmer of hope that peace talks leading to a two-state solution are once again possible. The action taken by the British academics, with its roots in the goal of eliminating
That some of the motivations in the British academic community for boycotting Israeli universities probably also stem from the kinds of anti-Semitic sentiments that have stained public discourse in that country in recent years makes the boycott especially dismaying.
Fortunately, some British academics, recognizing the assault on fairness, core academic values, and the prospects for peace that their professional organization has just perpetrated, are trying to reverse its decision. Thirty members of the organization's executive council have petitioned it to hold a special meeting to reconsider its decision to boycott
Dr. Reich is the Yitzhak Rabin Memorial Professor of International Affairs, Ethics and Human Behavior at the George Washington University; a co-chairman of the Committee of Concerned Scientists, which defends academic freedom and human rights; a senior scholar at the Woodrow Wilson Center, and a lecturer in psychiatry at Yale University. From 1995 to 1998 he was the director of the
“Arabs cannot possibly be anti-Semitic as they are themselves Semites.”
FACT
The term "anti-Semite" was coined in Germany in 1879 by Wilhelm Marrih to refer to the anti-Jewish manifestations of the period and to give Jew-hatred a more scientific sounding name (Vamberto Morais, A Short History of Anti-Semitism, NY: W.W Norton and Co., 1976, p. 11; Bernard Lewis, Semites & Anti-Semites, NY: WW Norton & Co., 1986, p. 81). "Anti-Semitism" has been accepted and understood to mean hatred of the Jewish people. Dictionaries define the term as: "Theory, action, or practice directed against the Jews" and "Hostility towards Jews as a religious or racial minority group, often accompanied by social, economic and political discrimination" (Oxford English Dictionary; Webster's Third International Dictionary)
The claim that Arabs as "Semites" cannot possibly be anti-Semitic is a semantic distortion that ignores the reality of Arab discrimination and hostility toward Jews. Arabs, like any other people, can indeed be anti-Semitic.
This article can be found at http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/myths/mf15.html#a
Source: Myths & Facts Online -- A Guide to the Arab-Israeli Conflict by Mitchell G. Bard, http://www.JewishVirtualLibrary.org.
A great resource on all things Jewish: http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/news.html
The best Jewish site for Jewish learning: http://www.myjewishlearning.com
Jewish Identity Databases: http://pages.infinit.net/jackross/jt-judaism.htm
THE MOTHERLODE OF ISRAEL-RELATED LINKS: http://www.israel.org/mfa/go.asp?MFAH00kj0
http://www.myisraelsource.com./
Israel Defense Force, http://www.idf.il/
Israel Government Gateway, links to Government Ministries, www.info.gov.il/eng
Israel Knesset, http://www.knesset.gov.il/
Israel Ministry of Foreign Affairs, http://www.mfa.gov.il/
Israel Prime Minister's Office, http://www.pmo.gov.il/
Israel Central Bureau of Statistics, www.cbs.gov.il/engindex.htm
Israel Tourism Ministry, North America, http://www.goisrael.com/
Buy Israeli Products, http://www.israelexport.org/, http://www.shopinisrael.com/,
http://www.finefoodsisrael.com/
Jaffee Center for Strategic Studies, www.tau.ac.il/jcss
Begin-Sadat Center for Strategic Studies, http://www.besacenter.org/
Jerusalem Center for Public Affairs, http://www.jcpa.org/
One Jerusalem, http://www.onejerusalem.org/
Twenty Facts about Israel
Myths & Facts: A Guide to the Arab-Israeli Conflict
Jerusalem Archaeological Park, http://www.archpark.org.il/
Israel Info Center - Israel Activism Portal, www.israelinfocenter.com/
US White House, http://www.whitehouse.gov/
US State Department, http://www.state.gov/
US Senate, http://www.senate.gov/
US House of Representatives, http://www.house.gov/
THOMAS (search for US Legislation), thomas.loc.gov
United Nations Watch, http://www.unwatch.org/
Embassy of Israel - Washington, D.C., http://www.embassyofisrael.org/
Media-Related Links:
CAMERA, http://www.jcpa.org/daily/www.camera.org
Jerusalem Post, http://www.jpost.com/
Jewish Telegraphic Agency, http://www.jta.org/
Ha'aretz English Edition, http://www.haaretzdaily.com/
HonestReporting.com, http://www.honestreporting.com/
Independent Media Review and Analysis, http://www.imra.org.il/
Maariv English Edition, http://www.maarivintl.com/
Middle East Media Research Institue (MEMRI), http://www.memri.org/
Palestinian Media Watch, http://www.pmw.org.il/
Britain-Israel Communications and Research Centre,
http://www.bicom.org.uk/bicom/briefings.nsf
Israel Insider, http://www.israelinsider.com/
Jewish World Review, http://www.jewishworldreview.com/
America's Voices in Israel, http://www.americasvoices.net/
@The Source Israel, http://www.thesourceisrael.com/
Other Jewish Sites
Data JEM – an GEM for Jewish Education! Database for Jewish educational materials: http://www.datajem.com/visitor/IntroPage.asp
The best Jewish kids' site on the Web is http://www.babaganewz.com/ , with games, virtual tours and “J-Pod” downloads, kids of all ages will LOVE it.
Another superb educational site is http://www.myjewishlearning.com/ -- you can be a self-taught “maven” on all things Jewish!
See My Jewish Learning's Talmud section for great resources on the Talmud.
See Eliezer Siegal's Talmud Page for the best visual introduction to a page of Talmud anywhere.
A Jewish Guide to the Internet: http://www.uscj.org/metny/bellmobj/jnet2.htm
On Jewish Vegetarianism and Animal Rights: http://jewishveg.com/schwartz/ (hey, you KNEW I’d put this one in)
How many Jewish hockey players are there? (None right now…there’s a lockout). Find out at http://www.jewishsports.com/
Glossary of Yiddish Expressions: http://www.ariga.com/yiddish.shtml )Please be patient, this page is farshtopt with information)
You can find an online Hebrew dictionary at http://milon.morfix.co.il/
Nice Jewish parenting site http://jewishfamily.com/
http://www.jewishgates.com/main.asp Jewish Gates is an amazing site, filled with material on Jewish history, ritual and culture. Go straight to the linked index at http://www.jewishgates.com/fullindex.asp and go to town!
http://www.zipple.com/ The Jewish Super Site; a similar site is http://www.maven.co.il/ and my personal all-time favorite,
http://shamash.org/trb/judaism.html
The sourcebook for Jewish history (all periods) can be found at http://www.fordham.edu/halsall/jewish/jewishsbook.html
Online Texts Related to Jewish History. All the primary sources “fit to print.”
Links to all the Jewish newspapers that are fit to print: http://www.jta.org/page_newspapers.asp
Israel Campus Beat – to get all the latest information on
http://jokes.jewish.net/ - the best place on the planet to find Jewish Jokes
Conservative Responsa (fascinating decisions related to applying Jewish Law to our times):
Superb booklet for visiting the sick and for healing in general: http://netivotshalom.org/drashot/rkelman/Bikkur.pdf
OPPORTUNITIES FOR ONLINE JEWISH STUDY
- Distance learning at JTS
- eAcademy Israel Studies
- Guided Learning Mini Courses
- Halakhah Study Group (RA in
- Hashkafah Study Group (RA in
- Jewish Interactive Studies
- Jewish Online and Interactive Learning
- Jewish University in Cyberspace (JUICE)
- Mishnah Yomit Study a Mishnah a day
- Perek Yomi Study a Bible passage a day
- Rabin Mishnah Study Group (RA in
- The Virtual Bet Midrash at Yeshivat Har Etzion
FOR COLLEGE STUDENTS… AND EVERYONE ELSE
http://www.studentsfordemocracy.ca/site_files/book.pdf
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Theme: One People, Many Opinions Welcome to my Neighborhood! There is Hope Yet! The Pursuit of Holiness is not the Exclusive Domain of Any One Jew or Any One Theology How’s Your Foot Feeling? Love Your Neighbor As Yourself! Two Jews, Three Opinions is as Old as The Jews Campus Updates!! Jewish Joke!
Traveling to Israel? | | |||||||||||||||
KOACH Educational Materials The Prayer for the State of Israel. What's there and what's not? | ||||||||||||||||
Now, more than ever,
Let’s stand in solidarity with our friends, family and children to celebrate this beautiful country.
Hop on the bus and come to the Salute to Israel Parade in NYC!
What do you need to know??
· Sunday, June 5, 2005
· Come to Stamford Jewish Community Center at 11:45 am for FREE TICKET drawing
· Hop on the bus and travel together to NYC
· Bus leaving PROMPTLY at 12:30 pm
· March at 2:30 pm (viewing area available for those who can’t march)
· March route is about 25-30 NYC blocks and takes about an hour
· Bus returns to Stamford JCC around 6 pm
· Cost is $18 includes t-shirt (while supplies last), transportation and snacks
· Chance to win TWO FREE ROUND TRIP TICKETS TO ISRAEL (drawing takes place prior to leaving for NYC, you must be present to win)
Registration forms needed by May 31, 2005.
For more information, please contact Dana Horowitz at 203.321.1373 ext. 108 or at Dhorowitz@ujf.org
We have two tefillin bags in the office without owners. Please contact our office if you are missing yours!
The Women of the Book Discussion Group will be meeting on Tuesday and viewing a 25 minute award winning documentary entitled “Let’s Face It: Women Exploring Their Aging Faces. The women in LET”S FACE IT (ages 48-63) discuss their feeling about growing older and discover their ambivalence, vanity, anxiety, joy and acceptance of growing older through open, honest, funny revelations with their friends. They discover there is no “correct” way to age- there is only one’s own approach to the process. After viewing the video, the group will have a chance to discuss the issues raised in the movie and their own reactions to it. The group will be facilitated by Roni Lang, a clinical social worker who specializes in issues of women’s issues and aging. Roni works at the Center for Healthy Aging at
In line with our healthy women series through sisterhood, this program will take a humorous, and thoughtful look at how women experience aging. This program is open to all women and should provoke some interesting discussion.
The Jewish Historical Society has a super photo exhibition on the 350 years of American Jewish Life in this area. It is at the JCC and will shortly be coming down. Don’t miss it!
2005 TBE Men’s Club Scholarships
Please let your graduating students and their friends know that these scholarships are available.
Support
Noah’s Ark: the Joke and the Game
For the game – click on http://www.brookviewcottage.com/miles/cards/noah/noah.html
Now, for the Joke (thanks to Sue Plutzer for sending these):
The Lord came unto Noah in 2005, who was now living in the
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have six months to build the
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard but no ark." Noah", He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the
Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "But things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the
We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.
Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the
I argued that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls. But no go!
When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by animal rights group.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
As well, they argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
Also, the trades unions say I can't use my sons.
They insist I have to hire only Union workers with
To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten years for me to finish this
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean, You're not going to destroy the world?".
"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
Previous Shabbat-O-Grams can be accessed directly from our web site (www.tbe.org)
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