Did you know
that it is a mitzvah to smile? The sage Shammai was one of the most ornery
people in all of Jewish history. He was famous for always being in a bad mood,
often chasing people away when he was annoyed by their questions. So it is
noteworthy that of all people, HE is the one who says in Pirke Avot, “Receive
every person with a cheerful expression.”
The Talmud
says of Yochanan ben Zakkai, the greatest rabbi of his era, that “no one greeted
him first, even the Gentile in the marketplace.” He could have rested on his
laurels and waited for people to come to him. He lived at a time when Jews were
fighting Romans for survival – and, as always, Jews were fighting other Jews
too. But it didn’t matter to him. Yochanan saw that every other human being is
created in God’s image and he made it his business to greet them – and to do it
FIRST.
And to that
I will add the corollary – EVEN IF YOU DON’T MEAN IT! We all have our moods and
that’s OK. But when you pass a person just at the moment you are thinking about
last night’s horrifying 9th inning, and you make a face, that person will think
you are upset with her. As a rabbi I have become especially attuned to how
people try to read my body language. But this is really for everyone. People
who are naturally shy or just depressed may not realize that that scowl appears
to others as standoffish and angry. We’re not very good at reading faces –
we’re even worse at reading faceless letters and e-mails. When you can’t look
into the eyes, you can’t really see into the soul.
The medieval
Talmudist Rabbi Menachem ha-Me’iri said that even when we resent a visitor’s
intrusion we should STILL act as if we are happy to see him.
Rabbi Israel
Salanter, the 19th century founder of the Mussar movement, saw a scholar with a
forlorn look on his face during the days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.
The scholar said he was worried because these are the days when God is judging
us. To which Salanter replied, “But other people won’t realize that that’s
what’s bothering you. They might think that you are upset with them.”
Jewish law
permits us to interrupt prayer in order to return a greeting. Why? Because that
person who greeted you is also a manifestation of the divine image. Either way,
we are still talking to God.
Never ignore
a greeting, the Talmud instructs us, for to do so would be akin to robbery – to
have stolen from the other the pleasure of being greeted! This ethical quality
of cheerfulness is considered one of the middot, a prime Jewish virtue.
So what can
we do to bring this virtue into our lives during these ten days? Six quick
suggestions:
1)
Become like
Yochanan ben Zakkai. Make it a game – be the one to greet first. I can imagine
a student pulling a prank on him, standing behind a pillar, jumping out and
shouting, “Shalom, Rabbi! HA!” You don’t have to hide behind a big Greek column
or jump out from behind the bananas at Stop and Shop. But don’t go the other
way! We don’t have to be so dramatic, but let’s try to be as enthusiastic.
Don’t wait to be greeted. Be the first.
2)
And do it
enthusiastically. Smile. The Talmud states, “The person who shows his teeth in
a smile is better than the one who gives milk to drink.” From which the rabbis
developed their “Got teeth?” marketing campaign and the ubiquitous Jewish
smiley face.
3)
When you
shake hands, mean it. A Hasidic master named Reb Arye, when greeting another,
used to take that person’s hands in his own and hold them in a loving,
caressing way that his students said was “electric with holiness,” sending
God’s energy directly into the other person’s heart. There should be a degree
of Kavvanah, feeling, in every greeting, whether a big bear hug, a simple wave
or a high five. We need to recall always that greeting someone cheerfully is a
holy act. It’s a prayer! Every handshake is a prayer!
4)
And every
greeting should be a “Shalom.” As we shake or hug and as we lock eyes, the
clasped hand is both pulling in and sending off. There is the excitement of
greeting and the real concern about letting go, all in that word, all in that
simple gesture.
5)
Make no
exceptions. Halacha is clear that we especially should be greeting cheerfully
those who are the weakest. When the queen of England comes by, by all means
greet her – a high five is not recommended - in the film “The Queen,” the most
moving scene was when Elizabeth finally went public to share the grief of her
people after Diana’s death and took some flowers from a little girl and offered
to place them on the pile outside the palace – and the girl said, “No – they’re
for you.” Even a queen could use a little warmth from time to time. But we must
also greet the poor, the downcast, the needy. Anyone here who has been to the
homeless shelters when we’ve served dinner there knows exactly how powerful
such a greeting can be.
6)
We must
understand that doing these things takes us one big step toward being our
happier people, a more Sacred community and a repaired world.
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