Shabbat
Shalom!
Mazal
tov to Matthew Goodman and family, as Matt prepares to become Bar Mitzvah on
Shabbat morning. Join us for services in
the lobby tonight, and in the sanctuary tomorrow. We got off to a great start with Cantor
Fishman last week – come tonight to keep things rolling! And a reminder to get those “Book of
Remembrance” blurbs in ASAP. The
deadline is fast approaching. We have a
number of them already.
The
Ray Rice Case
The
release of the Ray Rice video this week has focused our attention on the issue
of domestic violence. Clearly our
society has a long way to go in this area. As
Naomi Graetz has written in this summary of Jewish legal views on this topic:
“For
many years there has been a myth that domestic violence among Jewish families
was infrequent. However, there is much data demonstrating that domestic abuse
is a significant and under-recognized behavior in Jewish communities in Israel
and the Diaspora. Jewish women typically take a longer time to leave abusive
relationships for fear that they will lose their children and because they are
aware of the difficulties in obtaining a get, a Jewish divorce
document” (Find a more detailed article by Graetz here).
In
England, it’s been documented
that one in four Jewish women suffer abuse in the home. Former Stamford
Rabbi Mark Dratch established JSafe to provide resources and assistance to victims
in this country.
While
this is not a problem that wills simply go away, neither can it be whisked
under the rug. Hopefully the NFL will be
able to asset constructive leadership on this subject, once the dust from this
week’s revelations begins to settle.
Meanwhile, people in our community who are currently in abusive relationships
should know that I am here to help – and that they are not alone.
With
great (solar) power comes great responsibility
As
you know, we were recently honored nationally
as
a “Cool Congregation” for our largest-in-the nation solar panel
project. We can pat ourselves on the
back for that one, but we also need to maintain our status as leaders in the
religious effort to reverse the tide of Climate Change. With great (solar)
power comes great responsibility. As such, we will be a host venue for next week’s ”Climate Talk Tour,” a series
of talks on faith’s role in this key issue of our times. That will take place here on Wed. at 7 PM.,
the day AFTER Ari
Shavit speaks here for the Hoffmanm lecture. Both talks are very important.
And join me at the Climate March on Sept 21. You can read more about the march, from a
Jewish perspective, here. You can find out more about the logistics here. The organizers are expecting an enormous
turnout for what could be one of the largest mobilizations of its kind
ever. Special trains from New Haven have
been arranged, but my feeling is that they will likely be packed by the time
they get here, so we might be best off taking a local, which starts in Stamford. Based on the current Sunday
schedule, the 9:02 seems a good option.
Depending on how many people who want to join me, I might contact Metro
North to see if seats can be reserved. But
otherwise, just plan to be there on your own.
Why
go through all the bother to march? See this video clip.
Judaism’s
Top 40:
Elul
17, #25 - Shmirat ha-lashon – Avoiding
Gossip
Judaism
believes that words have great power.
After all, the world was created through words. Language is a gift that should be used
wisely. Gossip is dangerous and takes
many forms, including malicious slander, unintentional slips of the tongue and
even swearing (both in terms of cursing and in taking false oaths). Long before the invention of email, the
rabbis believed that a gossiper in Babylonia can kill someone in Rome.
CURSING: what does it mean to curse God's name? If, as
we read in Genesis, every human being is created in God's image, that divine
part of us that is the essence of our humanity. To insult God is to
debase our own innate godliness, our human capacity for goodness and
kindness. Sometimes curses can be a
creative way of dealing with powerlessness. We see that in the
colorful Yiddish curses that have sprung up. And Jews have had good
reason to shake their fist at the heavens. When Job's wife implores,
"Curse
God and die," Job has every reason to do just that - but he refuses
to, recognizing that God's blessings and curses are intertwined. In fact,
the very word translated as "curse" in Job 2:9 is "barekh",
which also means to bless. Job refuses to render God one-dimensional, the
source only of evil and not of life's blessings too. That's what cursing does. It turns God into a
stereotype. Once "bleeping" becomes your only way of express
passion, you are unable to communicate creatively, to probe the complexity of
deeper feelings.
GOSSIP:
Once on the High Holidays, I
challenged the congregation to go from Rosh Hashanah to Yom Kippur without
gossiping. No one could do it. It’s impossible. But everyone became much more aware of what
they were saying, which is really the goal of the laws of gossip.
It
is our good fortune that the greatest champion of sacred speech that the Jewish
world has ever known lived only a century ago. Rabbi Israel Meir Kagan was also
known as the Chafetz Hayyim, the Seeker of Life, after a book he wrote with
that title. Kagan was the first to systematize the laws of gossip for a popular
audience. He died in 1933, which is just about when everything began to go awry
for the civilized world. Now, as distilled by the Chafetz Hayyim, here is how
Jewish law instructs us to clean up our use of language.
•
It is considered lashon hara, evil speech, to convey a derogatory
image of someone even if that image is true and deserved. A statement that is
not actually derogatory but can ultimately cause someone physical, financial or
emotional harm is also lashon hara.
•
It is lashon hara to recount an incident that contains embarrassing
damaging information about a person, even if there is not the slightest intent
that s/he should ever suffer harm or humiliation.
•
Lashon hara is forbidden by Jewish law even if you incriminate yourself as
well.
•
Lashon hara cannot be communicated in any way shape or form, for instance
through writing, verbal hints, even raised eyebrows. When that person you can't
stand turns away and you roll your eyes in disgust to a third party, that is a
form of slander known as "Avak Lashon Hara," the residue of evil
speech.
•
To speak against a community is a particularly severe offense.
•
Lashon hara cannot be related even to close relatives, even to your
spouse. The columnist Dennis Prager argues that this goes too far, saying,
"If you never speak about other people with your partner, you're probably
not very intimate with each other." Telushkin suggests that if we are
going to gossip we should develop a way of talking about others that is as
kindly and fair as we would want others to be when talking about us.
•
Even something that is already well known should not be repeated. Even the
latest lurid Washington scuttlebutt or Hollywood scandal. We still can't talk about it unless that
information has a direct bearing on the well-being of the person we're talking
to.
•
Tattling is a no no. This is called Rechilut in Hebrew. The crux is
this: if you know that a person has spoken badly about your friend, you don't
go to your friend and tell him, because all it does is cause him pain and
provoke animosity between the friend and that other person. Well, you ask,
shouldn't we have a right to hear what's being said about us? In practice,
however, the one small piece of gossip transmitted often provides a totally
false impression. Who here has never said a negative thing about the person you
love the most? How devastating it would be for a so-called friend to tell our
loved one about it. Mark Twain said, "It takes your enemy and your friend,
working together, to hurt you to the heart; the one to slander you and the
other to get the news to you."
•
And finally, not only does Judaism prohibit the spreading of lashon hara,
we can't listen to it either. And when we can't help but hear it, we are
instructed not to believe it. Imagine how different our lives would be if
everybody gave the victim of gossip the benefit of the doubt.
Have
a great Shabbat!
Rabbi
Joshua Hammerman
No comments:
Post a Comment