Hag Samayach – happy Shavuot!
In today’s Torah portion, we read about how
the Ten Commandments were given at Mount Sinai.
There is a tradition that the people heard God pronounce the first
letter of the first word of the first commandment, and then they were terrified
and asked Moses to interpret the rest.
The funny thing is that the first letter of
the first word is an alef, which in Hebrew has no sound. So what they heard was something beyond sound, something
more real than what was actually spoken.
That’s the kind of deep listening I
have learned to do; something that we all need to learn how to do.
For instance, if someone says “I’m fine” but
if you really hear how they are saying those words, you know that that person
is not really fine.
I’ve learned how to listen deeply in part
from my brother Jewels.
Jewels and I have a very special
relationship. He’s been there for my whole life so we can understand each other
in ways that others can’t. Sometimes if he seems agitated, I can tell when he
is interested or dismissive of a certain topic.
I know what makes him laugh. (I
also know how to tick him off). He loves
especially to laugh whenever I mess up at something, or when he’s enjoying
something. He loves walking in the woods,
being outdoors and stimulating activities such roller coasters and high-speed
elevators and trains. We also love
watching certain movies together, like “The Walk,” about the man who walked in
between the Twin Towers. He especially
loves those final scenes when the walker is looking down on the view of New
York City.
So you can see that we know each other really
well. But we communicate with very few
words.
Jewels got me into music. Although many ask
which of us I think is more talented musically, I give them the same answer –
that I’d rather not compare myself with him.
In fact, music is a great vehicle for self-expression – it helps me to
blow off steam or it gets me energized. Suffice
to say that we are not competitive about that – or anything. Jewels is not a competitive person, and I
never feel upstaged by him – which is a good thing, because he’s playing later
on.
Also, in learning how to listen deeply, to
hear beyond what’s being said, I’ve discovered how to better understand that
what people say isn’t always what they mean, especially in today’s word. There’s so much slang, there are emojis and
texting and social media, which makes it easier to say things carelessly and
often anonymously. People often don’t
understand what they are really saying, and how it can be hurtful.
Sometimes, people have said mean things to me,
but I am able to let insults pretty much roll off my shoulder. I understand that they are frustrated and
need to feel better about themselves.
This is especially true in hockey, which is something I really enjoy –
so I don’t let others’ frustrations ruin it for me. I understand that some people have trouble
dealing with people who are different from them.
Earlier this year, my hockey team – which is
very diverse – had to deal with another team that made racist comments toward
me and a few of my teammates. When this
happened, we ignored it and kept playing our game to the best of our abilities.
So you can see why for me words matter – but
what matters even more is to understand what’s really being communicated, even
beyond the words. And that’s one of the
big lessons that the Ten Commandments are trying to teach us.
For my mitzvah project, I’ve been helping
kids with special needs to develop their tennis skills, in coordination with
coaches from Special Olympics. I also
did a few musical fundraisers with Jewels for organizations such as the New
Canaan Food Bank.
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