Mensch•Mark For Elul 22: Distance Yourself From Honor- Mitrachayk Min HaKavod
Who is honored? Those who honor others.
About the Mensch•Mark Series
The Talmudic tractate Avot, 6:6 provides a roadmap as to how to live an ethical life. This passage includes 48 middot (measures) through which we can “acquire Torah.” See the full list here. For each of these days of reflection, running from the first of Elul through Yom Kippur, I’m highlighting one of these middot, in order to assist each of us in the process of soul searching (“heshbon ha-nefesh”).
Today’s Middah: Distance Yourself From Honor-Middah Mitrachayk Min HaKavod
URJ’s Take:
Text
"Ben Zoma said: Who is honored? Those who honor others." (Avot 4,1)Commentary
Our Jewish sources are extremely clear on the question of honor, as revealed by our Text. We are reminded that we should focus our energies on honoring others, rather than ourselves.It is natural for people to seek honor from their fellow human beings. However, the rabbis consistently warn that honor cannot be acquired by one who pursues it. In fact, the sages warn that if you pursue honor, it will flee from you. (Midrash Tanhuma) They also offer the opposite maxim that if you flee from honor, the honor pursues you. (Exploring Jewish Ethics & Values, p.98)
The story is told of Rabbi Avigdor Halberstam who was once a guest for Shabbat in the home of a wealthy Chasid. The custom in that house was to give a distinguished guest the honor of tasting the cholent (a stew of meat, beans and potatoes) and then serving portions to everyone else. When the cholent was brought to R. Avigdor, he took a taste and then another taste and yet another, finally finishing the contents of the large serving bowl down to the last bean. "Is there more?" he asked. He finished every morsel of the cholent, leaving nothing for any of the shocked people at the table. Later, when it was discovered that the cook had accidentally used rancid oil in the cholent. R, Avigdor preferred to appear as a glutton and suffer personal embarrassment rather than allow the cook to be humiliated in front of the others. He thus honored others at the expense of his own prestige. Is there anything more honorable than that? (Pirket Avos Treasury, p. 216)
We all know people who seem to need a great deal of attention and recognition, sometimes at the expense of others. The Talmudic rabbi, R. Yose son of R. Hanina, issued a warning to people who behave in that way. He cautioned: "Those who endeavor to gain honor at the price of another person being degraded have no portion in the world-to-come." (Jerusalem Talmud Chagigah 2:1)
There are many individuals who have been very successful in business and who choose to donate large sums of money to support various projects in the Jewish community. Sometimes they donate these funds in honor or in memory of someone else. Sometimes, they donate these funds anonymously. What a wonderful example of mitrachayk min hakavod (staying far from honor)!
My Take: Questioning My New Degree (Jewish Week, 2010)
I received an honorary doctorate from the Jewish Theological Seminary this spring. I appreciate the recognition, but it has prompted some disquieting questions.
Reform and Conservative rabbis often get these diplomas, usually after about 25 years of service. So the honor has more to do with survival than accomplishment. I suppose it could be said that enduring 25 years in the rabbinate, particularly in the pulpit, is deserving of special recognition. There have been times when I wondered whether a Purple Heart might be more appropriate, or maybe a Nobel Peace Prize.
But why a doctorate? Why measure success in a spiritual profession on purely intellectual terms? Once upon a time, rabbinical seminaries were bastions of cold-fish, Litvak elitism, often then wedded to its secular, German sister, the venerable “Wissenschaft des Judentums (the science of Judaism).” But these same schools are now committed to taking Judaism out of the ivory tower, promoting, as JTS put it in its new strategic plan, “Scholarship in Service to the Jewish Community.” So shouldn’t the rabbi of the 21st century be recognized as a person of the people, not some highfalutin D.D.?
And what, really, is a Doctor of Divinity? I hear that in the United Kingdom, a D.D. is the highest honor a university can give, higher than Doctorates in law, medicine, science, letters or music. But American universities have no such hierarchy, and here it almost sounds like a degree they might confer at Hogwarts for having mastered potions and the dark arts.
How should people address me? Debretts, a website that calls itself “the modern authority on all matters etiquette, taste and achievement” favors “Dr. Cohen” over “Rabbi Cohen” for invitations and salutations. With the Jewish establishment subtly agreeing that “My kid the doctor” trumps “rabbi” on the parental aspiration scale, that trampling sound you hear is another generation of our best and brightest running away from the rabbinate.
And why should I need an honorary title at all? Shouldn’t my life-work of facilitating Jewish journeys be sufficient? Plus, my wife, who is a psychologist, worked long and hard to earn her doctorate. It makes me feel a bit uneasy about accepting one simply because I’ve survived.
The title “rabbi” signifies a mastery of knowledge, but it means much more. In fact, maybe my original diploma, which described the calling as “rabbi, teacher and preacher,” should be updated to include more contemporary aspects of the job description, including rabble rouser, healer, marketing expert, surrogate mommy, divine exemplar, standup comic, youthful elder, dispassionate zealot and guy-who-can-unjam-the-Xerox-machine.
That’s not to say I didn’t accept this honor. For one thing, it came with lunch. And it was a deep privilege to share this moment with my family and leadership of my congregation, as well as a few dozen colleagues who were similarly honored. Many of them have become major figures on the Jewish scene and all have dedicated their life’s work to the service of the Jewish people and God. I am proud of them and want to see their achievements recognized.
We’ve been rabbis at a time when the profession has changed dramatically, and we’ve been the agents of that change. The paradigm of rabbi as aloof scholar, shepherd and diplomat has been replaced, to a large degree, by other models. The rabbi has become more of a guide, a teacher who leads by example and can point people toward resources that will enable them to find their own solutions to life’s dilemmas.
In what Rabbi Elie Kaunfer has aptly called an era of empowerment, Jews are not looking for simple answers, but engagement, direction, inspiration and the kind of encouragement that can propel a lifelong quest. They are looking less for a rabbi and more for a rebbe, in the original chasidic sense, a mentor who can take Judaism out of stuffy academies and let holiness breathe, sing and dance through the lives of real people.
Maybe the new title should reflect other honorifics given rabbis over the centuries, like “Mar” (Master)” or “Rav” (“The Great One” — I like that, but I am not worthy). There’s always “Shlita,” an acronym for “May he live a long and good life, Amen” and “Nasi” (Prince or President).
Throughout the Middle Ages, you had really made it as a rabbi when you became known by your initials. Rambam (the acronym for the Hebrew letters reysh, mem, bet, mem) and Rashi (reysh, shin, yud) were the FDR and LBJ of their day. Maybe each of us should be given an official nickname, whether it be our initials (mine would be “the RaYaMM — Rabbi Yehoshua ben Micha’el V’Miryam), or maybe something more folksy. The Talmud uses nicknames like “Honi the Circle Drawer.” Some of my classmates were also superb circle drawers as well, especially during Talmud class. How about “Reb Danny the Doodler?”
Finally, here’s an opportunity to introduce new fields of rabbinic specialization. As The Jewish Week’s former online ethicist, maybe I should ask that my honorary doctorate be in the field of Menschology. Many of us could also claim expertise in Jewish Geography, Kiddush Gastronomy, Guilt Management and Mass Miscommunication.
So I gratefully accept my new title and will work hard to truly earn it. But the only degree I am really seeking is a degree of difficulty. With the month of Shavuot now in our rear-view mirror, mountainous challenges still await us, and even loftier opportunities. To scale those, American Jews don’t need doctors.
We need rabbis.
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